Old beau likely no Prince Charming

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/06/2018 (2686 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought my heart belonged to a man I met when I was a girl of 15. He was my first love and I thought he’d be my last. Not! He married the woman his wealthy family chose for him. I married a guy who is nice to me and we have two children. It’s fine. At least, it was until yesterday when I got a Facebook message from my old love, who said he was “free again.”

His marriage hadn’t worked out. She slept around and so did he, and they both decided to finally defy their parents at age 33 and split up. They have no children.

Now he has the nerve to contact me again and I feel like Cinderella getting invited to the ball after it’s all over. He sent me pictures and he still looks the same — hot. My stomach felt kind of sick looking at my old love. In the end, I actually threw up.

I have a life now. Granted, it’s not with the No. 1 person I wanted to be with, but we have children and he is good to me. And where was Prince Charming when I needed him? Getting married to someone classier!

What can you say to help? I already know I’m going to weaken and see him once. And now he’s announced he’s coming back to Winnipeg to see me in July. I am so curious, but what if it upsets my whole life?

— Married Woman Now, River Heights

Dear Married Woman: What if you don’t see him? You will build him up in your imagination and get into the dreamy “what ifs” again. When you do see him, pick a neutral place for lunch and see him in plain light. He’s got a lot of nerve walking back into your life. Don’t let him invite you to a romantic dinner situation in a dark place. You need to see him, warts and all.

It’s highly likely you won’t think he’s so hot now that you’re not a teenager, and have some adult wisdom. You should note he didn’t say he had pined for you all these years. Think about that.

Plus, he didn’t have the backbone to tell his parents to get stuffed when they insisted he drop you to be with the girl they picked for him. It sounds like he and his wife did a lot of cheating, which tells you something else about his character.

And no kids? Did both your ex and his wife not want children? Compare that to your husband, the father of your kids. With luck, you’ll leave that lunch with Prince Not-So-Charming thinking you dodged a bullet.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My women friends and my medications protect me from my down moods, so my new boyfriend doesn’t know I sometimes suffer from depression. Should I tell him?

It’s been two months and he doesn’t know I take pills. He’s as healthy as a horse and has a sunny disposition.

Please tell me what is the decent thing to do. I have never been even close to suicidal, but I know people with depression who get that way. Help!

— Keeping a Secret, Downtown

Dear Secret: If this relationship seems to be going somewhere important, tell him soon you take medications for depression and they seem to work well. He may think that’s important, or not. Get it off your chest — and watch his reaction. If he freaks out, he’s probably not the Steady Eddie guy you need.

If he asks a few questions, answer them without resentment, as he’s reacting normally with curiosity as to what this means for you and for him. If he laughs and tells you what medications he’s on, and that he has been hiding this out of fear of your judgment, you can get it all out on the table and take your relationship to a new level of friendship and intimacy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography