Long-distance love poses tough challenges

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/06/2018 (2670 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Maybe Ready to Run, the guy who’s thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend, should take a deep look into his relationship with her before he does something drastic. He complains that she’s off to another university without considering taking him along, wondering if this is the end of the relationship.

Our daughter met a nice young fellow at the University of Manitoba. He had to go to another university to advance in his career. Our daughter was accepted into a third university to study her profession. The two of them kept in contact with each other while separated by distance. For his final degree, the man moved to the city our daughter was attending university. By moving to the last university, he was able to do very well in his chosen field.

Final result, we have three lovely grandchildren, even though the family is in another city. Ready to Run could be giving up a good thing. If he’s not willing to wait it out, or if he’s that doubtful, maybe do the young lady a favour and move on.

— Seen it Before, Winnipeg

Dear Seen it Before: Long-distance relationships can last a whole year for some devoted young couples, but much past that and it becomes very trying — other attractive, inviting people come along, or things start to go south in letters, phone and online contacts. Pent-up sexual desire — expressed outside the relationship — can get one or both people in the couple in trouble, too.

I wish this couple good luck. One trick is to get a part-time job to afford travel tickets if they decide to try toughing it out — and it is very tough. No one to hold at night, go places with as a couple, or be there when things get lonely or difficult with school. Still, some couples are strong enough to do this. I agree moving to the other person’s city is the way to go after a long time apart — if at all possible.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw something through my kitchen window that shocked me. My new neighbour lady in the rental house next door was kissing a man passionately on the mouth — someone other than her husband.

I got out of the way quickly, but by the way she’s been acting towards me since, I know she saw me watching the two of them. This week she won’t even say hello, and she and I were becoming friends. Finally, I called her over to the fence and I said, “Hey, I want us to be friends and I want you to know that what I saw in the kitchen window is safe with me.”

She blushed, didn’t deny it, to her credit, and said a quiet “thank you.” But since then, when I see her, she ducks her head and says nothing beyond hello. Now what do I do?

— Unfortunate Sighting, Transcona

Dear Unfortunate: Now, you wait for the next rental neighbour to move in and concentrate on making friends elsewhere. This woman is embarrassed you know her secret. It’s dangerous for her to be friendly and give out the dirty details as girlfriends tend to do. It would also be a heavy load to for you to carry if you got to know the husband and felt badly about the deceit.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m very anxious by noon every day and need a sedative to get through the afternoon’s work. I go into the bathroom and take it so nobody notices. It calms me down, but I need coffee by 3 p.m. to wake me up enough to finish the day. Then I go home and have a nap. This works for me, but I got caught washing the pill down with a can of pop a few days ago by a co-worker and she asked me what I was taking. I said, “Uh, vitamins.”

She said, “Riiiight. Everybody needs a vitamin in this place or we’d go nuts.”

I don’t really like it here, but now I see that the anxiety of working in this place affects everyone. I remembered the phrase “stress kills,” and wondered if I should get out before I have a stroke. I don’t like this work anyway — too many managers breathing down your neck. I’m in my 30s.

— Stressed Out, North Kildonan

Dear Stressed: Take as long a holiday as you can this summer and see how you feel by the halfway mark. Towards the end you may decide to start looking for work of a different kind or training for a completely different type of work.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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