Leaving arranged marriage for true love

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This article was published 21/06/2018 (3010 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve had a very long-term affair with the dearest man in the whole world. My husband was chosen for me, and I was chosen for my husband, by our parents who wanted to unite our two families and amalgamate their lands and holdings in the country we are from. 

My husband is a decent man, but we were never in love and didn’t kid each other we were, by saying “I love yous” beyond the wedding vows. Our marriage was one of respect. We were a good team and the two families got the wealth they wanted.

My husband started his affair in the city first, and didn’t work very hard to hide it, but I know the ways of the world. My love affair started years later when we moved into the city, and I have been much more discreet. Now there’s trouble because the man I love has become a widower and he’s free and asking me to free myself and be with him. I don’t know what to do. I’d love to be with him.

My husband is a very proud man and would be horribly embarrassed if I left him for this other man. I don’t know if my husband’s other woman wants to get free and marry him or not. What should I do? We’re not getting any younger.

— Want To Marry My True Love, Winnipeg

Dear Want: Now it’s time to talk. Perhaps your husband would also like the chance to be married to his affair partner. Perhaps he is also in love. Ask him. It could be he’s been waiting for something to upset the balance so he could free himself to leave you and be with her. Or, maybe he doesn’t want marriage with her — or she with him. It may be more comfortable the way it is. What is her marital status right now? There is much you need to find out.

Before you talk, you need to see a domestic lawyer and accountant first so you know what you’re talking about, especially if the talk with your husband ends quickly in anger, heading for a fast, and perhaps difficult, divorce.

There’s a fair amount of wealth to divide and wealth is not always visible. While your husband and you respect each other now, money and pride have a way of causing big trouble in split-ups. Too often the woman is not prepared and doesn’t know about the finances in the family and you may be feeling so guilty — by trying to get away first — you’re willing to take less than you are legally entitled to. Get prepared before you talk.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in high school and I like this girl a lot, but she has a hideous laugh. She cackles like a witch. I like everything else about her but that laugh. Do you think I should tell her about that, so she could change it?

I might be doing her a favour. My single dad and I are very close — he brought me up. I asked him about telling her and he said I shouldn’t do that, but he didn’t explain. What do you think?

— Somebody Needs To Tell Her, North End

Dear Somebody: Well you may be right that she needs to find out about her hideous laugh, but it had best not be you telling her. She will become extremely embarrassed and self-conscious around the person who tells her, and distance herself. She might also lash right back. How would you like her to tell you something about you that’s hideous, and that you need to change?

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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