Pushy foot games could be fun

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This article was published 27/06/2018 (2669 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I woke up sideways at the bottom of the bed again! My athletic young wife pushes with her strong legs and feet in such a way that, little by little, I get turned around and shoved down to the bottom of the bed. She used to do this with her huge dog, and now she’s transferred her talent into shoving me.

She has made some kind of crazy transition from boyfriend/girlfriend romance to husband/wife and now thinks she is the queen in our family bed.

But she didn’t marry me because I’m weak, like the wuss she left. I don’t carry the chamber pot for my queen, and I’m not the dog at her feet.

Last night, I used my feet to push her to the end of the bed and then invited the dog to get up in her place, with his head on her pillow. The queen was not amused.

Now where do we go from here?— New Marriage Games, Fort Garry

Dear Games: She may have gotten the point. If not, get right into it and start lightening up these pranks so it really does become a joke. Turn the bed upside down so the pillows are all at the bottom with the lamps and side tables, and see if she thinks that’s funny.

You could also buy a few large stuffed animals to stick in the bed. It might be a hoot for her to wake up looking into the eyes of a big tiger, a black bear or even the Frog Prince.

This needs to become silly enough that you laugh about the fun times in your marriage.

Later, you can give the stuffed toy companions to your kids and grandkids to play with, continuing the family joke.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a cute 30ish-year-old man at the jazz festival and we kept running into each other because we like the same music. I was really getting turned on to him, and we started sitting together and surreptitiously holding hands and touching faces. One lingering kiss happened in an alley that night.

Then he suddenly disappeared — and reappeared two days later with a woman and two kids, wearing a wedding ring. He never mentioned he had a wife and family.

That night, I walked up close to him, tears in my eyes, and he mouthed “sorry.” I just walked away, but I really wanted to slap his face. What should I have done?— Married Guy Hurt Me, Downtown

Dear Hurt: You did the right thing. It was not your fault, but it was certainly not the fault of his wife and kids, and they didn’t need to bear that pain.

Good on you for preventing that by walking away.

Next time, ask the uncomfortable questions before seriously flirting, like “Are you married or seeing somebody exclusively?” Most guys who cheat rely on the woman not to ask anything.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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