Rich, drunk husband leaving pregnant wife feeling trapped, scared

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This article was published 28/06/2018 (2667 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hit my head on a brick wall I should have known was there when I married my wealthy husband. I broke up with him after dating for a year, but he was so in love with me he spent two years in AA and therapy to get me back. We got married, and it was a big deal for both of us.

I quit my job to get pregnant and become a happy stay-at-home mom, something my mother never was.

He started drinking again as soon as he knew I was pregnant. I’m religious and would never abort a child. He cracked open a champagne bottle when we found out I was having a baby, and said, “A little champagne won’t hurt on this wonderful occasion, my love!” The Drunk Show was on again.

I have to confess, I love the money. I was brought up poor, and my mother resented us children. He’s mostly happy when he’s getting drunk. But if things go wrong or he’s had a bad day — watch out. He drinks hard, yells and thumps his fist on the table and dictates. He scares me.

I don’t know what to do. I’m very pregnant at this point, but we’re about to have the baby boy he wants so badly. If I tried to leave him, he would go nuts and try to get the child. Am I trapped for life? You may wonder why I married him. He is charming and lovable and funny when he wants to be, but he’s a drunk through and through.

— Deeply Upset, Winnipeg

Dear Deeply: No, you’re not trapped for life and this man’s not the only man who makes money and can support a woman who’s given birth. But because you’re so pregnant, you’ll need to hang on for a bit.

Start career planning so you don’t feel you need a rich man to keep you from living in poverty. Don’t let yourself be vulnerable like your mom. 

This would also be a good time to start going to Al-Anon for families and friends of alcoholics. Go for yourself. The office address is 107-2621 Portage Ave., Winnipeg, or call 204-943-6051. For a list of Al-Anon meetings in Manitoba, call 1-877-254-3348.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A year ago, I met a woman I knew in high school at a school reunion. We had a wonderful time, but she was with her wussy little husband. I just got a Facebook message from her saying she was single again and she wanted to get in touch. She said she’d just moved into the city.

I met her at the zoo, and we had a wonderful time, capping it off with a passionate kiss. I asked her if this separation was for good and she said, “Oh… probably.”

How far should I go with a woman who might go back to her husband again? 

— Scared of Being Used, East Kildonan

Dear Scared: You should go nowhere with her. Let some other guy date her — and make her husband jealous — and then maybe she and hubby will get back together for another round.

“Oh probably” and its nasty cousin “that depends” are two of the most dangerous little phrases you can encounter in a situation like this — basically, it’s a trial separation.

Stay away from this woman, until and unless she gets divorced, and is truly over the man she left behind. If you already sense she’s a user, say bye-bye for good right now.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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