Time to stop dragging feet, see doctor

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/07/2018 (3003 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing about the hypochondriac’s wife, who signed herself Wits End. While it would appear the husband is a germaphobe and trying to avoid returning to work for lack of confidence, has he actually been to a doctor to get checked out? (Miss L. suggested his wife help her husband by contacting everybody she knows about work opportunities to get him back in the swing of work).

A few years ago, a friend who had started a new casual work position started missing work, often without calling anyone, because he was “too sick with the flu to even get out of bed.” This continued for a period of time, and although he was well-liked and thought of as a great guy, he became known as an undependable hypochondriac. He did not have a family doctor and when advised to seek medical help, he would say it was just the flu.

As his wife grew increasingly impatient with him, he began feeling so ill that he stopped going to work altogether. After another three to four months of suffering from this recurring “flu,” which now seemed to be worsening, he decided to go to emergency. He was told he had advanced cancer and had two to three weeks to live. When he told his wife, she did not initially believe him. Sadly, he died two weeks later.

Those closest to him, including himself, had not taken his “flu” seriously. He left a young family behind and if the issue had been addressed earlier, it may have made a difference. No one will ever know. So perhaps Wits End should first urge him to see a doctor to rule out anything physical. If he is physically fit, he may be depressed, which would also be a reason to see a doctor. And perhaps his wife should take a softer, more loving approach with him.

— Take Sickness Seriously, Winnipeg

Dear Seriously: A lot of people run to the mechanic at the first “clink” to save themselves from breaking down on the road with a much bigger problem and paying for a big fix. Not so with their health. Why? The fear of facing whatever’s wrong. Also, it’s “easier” to pass it off and not “bother” the doctor. Doctors are generally pleased when people come to their offices to have an ailment or injury checked out early, and are happy to investigate, test and treat.

If people have someone in their family or circle of close friends who drag their feet about going to the doctor, push them to call for an appointment and go with them. Sometimes a drive there and a little hand-holding is needed, especially with guys who try to “tough it out” or don’t want to seem like a big baby. Some people simply don’t want to take their clothes off in front of a doctor, even though that doctor sees bare body parts all day long. I agree Wits End needs to push her husband to see a doctor to check him out. He also needs to see a psychologist about the germ fixation.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I are at the lake for a month at a big rental cabin. I thought it was going to be fun. I’m kind of bored with just him and me, and no kids living at home. I’m a teacher, so I brought lots of projects and art and even musical instruments. But Hot Stuff, who is also getting bored now, went ahead this morning and arranged several fishing parties with all his buddies. I gave him The Look From Hell.

“Made in stone!” he said stubbornly. “Can’t change ‘em. They’ve invited me to their cabins for years.” True enough. But now he expects me to play the little woman and cook for them at these payback parties.

I am not spending my holiday doing this for him and his old pals. I owe them nothing. I’m furious and thinking of packing and going home two weeks early. What can I do? I don’t want a divorce or anything, but I’m…

— Not Co-Hosting His Drinking Parties, Lake of the Woods

Dear Drinking Parties: Make your husband a list of cooking and cleaning duties and food shopping that needs to be done — and have him advise the guys early by cellphone, so they can hit stores on the way up, if necessary. Since these are guy parties, your husband is totally in charge of seeing all that work gets done. Most guys won’t mind, they usually like to know what they have to do to pitch in.

Meanwhile, you can stay, go to the beach, visit girlfriends at their cottages, or go home to the city and treat yourself to manicures and lunches with friends. The guys won’t miss you.

My guess is you won’t be interested in another rental with hubby and the guys next summer. Do you want a romantic holiday? Book just one week on a tropical island in the winter. Be friendly and meet a few other couples when you’re there, then invite them to join you for drinks and dinners. Seven days will be perfect.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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