Lover’s gaze more creepy than romantic

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This article was published 18/09/2018 (2937 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I woke up in the morning twice this week with my new boyfriend, and he was staring me in the face both times. I asked him what he was doing and he said, “Watching you sleep, silly.” Now, is it just me, or is that kind of creepy? I’ve read that watching a person sleep is a sign you’re in love. While I’m in lust with him, it hasn’t gotten to love yet for me, by any means.

Should I say bye-bye? I really like him, but I don’t want him or anybody obsessed with me to the point of watching me lie there unconscious.

— Freaked Out, South Osborne

Dear Freaked Out: Give him a chance. Ask him if he read somewhere this was a romantic thing to do, or if he dreamed it up by himself. It actually can be a sign of adoring someone, but it can also be goofy or spooky for the receiver. Tell him you don’t like it and to please stop. You might ask him if there are things you do that annoy him, and you may be surprised to find out. Listen to him respectfully, and make adjustments. That’s how a good relationship works.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hurt my hand slapping my sister across the face during a fight. She grabbed my hand and bit it hard and left big teethmarks on my hand. My mom says she’ll “slap us both silly” if we ever do that again, and she’s done it before.

My dad, who doesn’t live with us, picked us up for the weekend, and he was shocked. He took pictures and hauled me to the walk-in clinic over my horrible-looking hand, and my sister had to come, too. The doctor acted suspicious, asking a whole bunch of questions, as if mom might have done it. Finally I said, “My sister bit me after I hit her. We’re not being abused, we just fight like hell.” The doctor stopped with the questions, prescribed something for my hand, and got rid of us.

When our dad took us home, he had a long talk with mom in the kitchen with the door shut, but we were both listening. He said something real low I barely heard, “raising them like animals,” and then loudly, “or they will be coming to live with me!” We don’t want to live with him. He’s a bore, and very religious. What can we do to stay with mom?

— Sisters In Trouble, Winnipeg

Dear Trouble: To stay at your mom’s house, you’re going to have to start raising yourselves properly. Mom doesn’t sound like the best role model when she’s threatening to slap you both silly as a teaching method. That means you two must decide there will be no more physical violence, like slapping and biting, and no more verbal violence, like cursing each other out. These can be hard habits to break, if that’s how you’ve reacted to each other all your lives.

You don’t say how old you are, but by your words, you’re old enough to take care of your own behaviour. Start cleaning your rooms up, doing your homework, washing your own clothes and ask your mom to teach you how to cook. Don’t fill yourself with prepared foods. As soon as possible, get part-time jobs instead of hanging around. Stay away from booze, cigarettes and drugs. Start being real friends, and use each other and school counsellors as advisers. Look for a guide or mentor in your world. Join extracurricular activities at school. This is how you can bring yourselves up in a tough home situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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