Stranger on a train wants to keep it that way

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This article was published 24/09/2018 (2925 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a kind man on a train and we had a wonderful visit. telling each other our whole life stories over several days on our way back to Winnipeg. When we said goodbye, we had a hug and then a day later, I started getting texts and Facebook messages. Good heavens, I don’t want them!

I thought it was just a case of two strangers who exchanged life stories because we wouldn’t see each other again. He has a wife and I have a live-in partner. Now what?

— Hassled By Train Friend, Winnipeg

Dear Hassled: People often make this mistake on a long train ride. To make it more fun in the beginning, they often don’t reveal how committed they are to a relationship off the train, and it becomes an insular, romantic world.

You don’t mention any stolen kisses (or more), but that is often what happens when it gets dark on the train and you’re travelling through the world together. Apologize sincerely for giving any wrong impressions, and then quietly cut communication off, blocking him if necessary. Neither one of you needs trouble with your partners at home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The two fighting Sisters In Trouble — who slap (and bite) each other — would appear to be normal, if on the severe end of the scale. As our two daughters approached the early teen years, they also had sisterly disputes, but not to that degree.

At the time, I was working in the legal field and wrote up a behavioural contract for the girls to sign. Their behaviour afterwards may not have been perfect, but it did improve. With my involvement in law, the older one took an interest in it, and got her law degree. There could still be hope!

— Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: In their letter, these girls indicated they were so worried about their boring and religious dad petitioning to take them that they might just back off the physical and violent verbal attacks. That would only happen if their mother changed her role. In this case, the mother already vowed to “slap them both silly” if they attacked each other again — not much hope for a sensible legal contract coming from her corner.

Now that mom has been threatened with the loss of her daughters, there will be one of two results — either she’ll shape up her parenting skills so she can keep the girls, or she will allow their bad behaviour to escalate to the point their dad will take them.

I still think the greatest hope for these kids is that they set career goals for themselves — no matter how lofty — and come up with a self-parenting plan (which I partially outlined for them). Anything positive the parents can add to the mix will just be a bonus.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Well, we closed up the lake early (my wife’s idea) and I feel like I left half my heart there. My wife and I got along like young lovers when we were at the lake this year. The kids (now 19 and 20) had jobs in town, and rarely came out on weekends and missed the whole extended three-week family holiday. Without them, we had a return to passion like we haven’t experienced since before they were born.

Now we are back home and my mermaid wife, who would swim naked up to the dock and lie down wet with me, has returned to the overly busy, hovering mother she has been for 20 years.

I asked her to come back to the lake with me for another weekend this fall. She looked at me like I was being stupid and said, “We’re closed up. I’m too busy with my life in the fall!” and went on sewing.

I miss my romantic wife — the woman I thought I married and lost — who showed up again this summer, and has broken my heart by abandoning our sensual relationship. Please help.

— Abandoned Again, Tuxedo

Dear Abandoned: Tell her how in love you were with the mermaid on the dock, and how you feel now. Tell her you don’t want to go back to the cool relationship you have had since the kids were born.

Don’t wait for a reply. Just say, “Think about it and then get back to me. I’m going out for the evening.” She will go through a number of emotions and the first ones you might not want to see — annoyance (“Oh grow up!”), impatience (“Give me a break. I just got home and have lots to do”), and anger (“You got all of me at the lake, and now you’re pouting because you want more!”)

Those reactions will likely be followed by worry, and perhaps memories of the lake and feelings of love for you. You see why it’s better to clear out for the evening? Come back after a few hours, totally sober, and maybe then you can talk it over. Good luck.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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