Man on the side wants something more

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/09/2018 (2930 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a woman from my past online and we clicked like crazy. We have similar personalities, and there was a super attraction. She’s in sales and travels, but she lives with her husband, who doesn’t like sex except for procreation and has not willingly touched her in a sexual way for 10 years. Also, he’s not well and is no longer working.

We got together quickly in a city close to her hometown and spent seven days of bliss together. Her husband didn’t find out and thought she was away on business. We got together again very recently, and now we really want to be together! Unfortunately, she is her husband’s primary caregiver. Luckily, they never had kids.

So, where does that leave us? Is she trapped with him for life? I am single and in my late 30s. I have some other women interested in me, but I’m not in love with them by any means. Now what?

— Wanting Her Desperately, Winnipeg

Dear Wanting: Although it’s early in the affair, this woman has to take a look at the rest of her life, and you need to do the same. Do you want to be this woman’s man-on-the-side for life, so she can continue to be her husband’s friend and caregiver? Or do you want her to leave her husband, so you can marry her?

The stakes are high here. No doubt, she wants the passion she has been missing with her husband. It really comes down to exploring how life could be for you two as a couple — and it’s too early to know that now. The difficult decisions are hers. She is not going to free herself from her husband “on spec.” You really have to examine your heart. How would you feel about moving to her city? Could you find work there?

She may be willing to be your wife, but want to continue to be her husband’s friend. She has stuck with him through a lot, so don’t underestimate that bond. Frankly, she might be better off having a long-term affair with a married man who is in a similar situation to her, in her own city. That can, and does, happen.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Two weeks ago, I met a guy on the university bus and I really liked him. We are both new students and take a lot of morning classes. I’d like to take the relationship off the bus, but I’m too shy to ask him to meet me for coffee or lunch. How do I broach the subject?

— Bus Babe, University of Manitoba

Dear Bus Babe: You need an excuse — something you can offer him involving school or a study project. Ask him about his classes and look for an opportunity to say, “I think I could help you with that.”

Follow that up with a lunch invitation to talk it over. If that works out, find something else going on, such as a club show or movie, and ask him to meet you there a couple days later.

If those two mini dates don’t get him responding with ideas of his own, give up and look for romance elsewhere. Give it a try. He may actually want to ask you out as well, but not know how to approach you without looking too forward.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography