Mick’s right, you can’t always get what you want

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/09/2018 (2928 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m crazy about a girl I can’t have. She’s my best buddy’s sister and she’s taken. I have called on her unannounced a few times at their family’s place, when I knew my buddy was out and managed to sit down and talk to her over coffee. I got her interested in me. She started to tell me her life story and I sympathized with her over her difficult work situation. That’s where her boyfriend also works, and he sounds to me like a good-looking, cheating pig.

I’m prepared to sacrifice the friendship with her brother in order to get her. He has said he’d kill any guy who went after his beautiful sister. I am willing to have him try, if that’s what it takes to be with her. I know he’s just talking, so I’m not scared. I think this is really love for me. Now what? I got nothing to say to her except “dump that stupid boyfriend and be with me.”

— In Love and Out of Ideas, Winnipeg

Dear Out of Ideas: You might confess to her that you have started falling in love with her. But the real point is she doesn’t seem interested in you, just like her boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in her. These relationships are headed nowhere. Preserve the friendship with your buddy, if you can, and back off his sister. Sorry, this is the way things happen, sometimes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has started into this macho thing, lifting weights and running, with a bunch of 40-something guys. Last night, he came home, did not shower, came to bed and asked me how I’d like to have hot, sweaty sex with a real man for a change. I said, “No, you smell like a dead skunk.” Then he said, “Well, some women like the smell of a manly man.”

A few minutes later, he got in his car and left. On a hunch, I waited for an hour and drove to his office and there was his car alongside another car. I knew whose car it was. I grabbed a piece of paper and left a note under his dash that said, “Disappointed to find you here.” He didn’t come home until the next night after work. 

When I told him we needed to talk, he said, “If you know what’s good for you, we don’t.” Then he had a shower and got dressed up the way I like, with a touch of cologne, and went out. I don’t know what to do. Do I force this to a crisis, or back off and act nice to keep him and our expensive lifestyle? I quit my jobs two years ago. 

— Scared of Losing My Everything, Southdale

Dear Scared: Not many people could keep quiet in your situation because their emotions would blow up.

Your husband is flaunting an affair in front of you. How can you remain cool? Do you love him or do you love the lifestyle his money provides? Can your silence be openly bought by him? This is unusual.

It sounds like it’s time to leave, and he has left the door wide open, but you’re hesitating.

Did you have a job or a career before you became the lady of the house? Are you entirely at his mercy, financially? Start making an exit plan and see a lawyer and accountant that you don’t share with your husband. Start looking for work right away, because it’s time to live a life of your own.

Even if you don’t want to split up, you can bet your husband does. 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography