Comparing new and late husband leave feelings hurt

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This article was published 27/10/2018 (2552 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I fell in love with a policeman years ago and it was a great marriage. He died, and I married another man years later, who is the total opposite but still a great guy.

Sometimes, I feel the urge to talk out loud and compare the two because they were so different. But, when I’ve done that, my present husband feels diminished and hurt. 

How can I deal with my need to talk about my dead husband?

Sometimes, it’s overpowering because he was so much a part of my life and I can’t keep memories of him buried all the time 

— Inappropriate Confessor, Brandon

Dear Inappropriate: You need to find somebody close to your late husband, like his mom or a sibling — someone you can talk to about your thoughts and memories without hurting your new man.

Just go over to visit with them alone for coffee, if you want to reminisce.

It’s not good for your new husband to live with a ghost, so don’t feel guilty about it. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got my manhood stuck in my zipper and it really hurt. My girlfriend just laughed and said, “That’s what you get for not wearing underwear!”

I said, “My pants are so loose I don’t need underwear. “ She said, “Don’t try to kid me, mister. You’re just showing off.” What do you think?

— Commando Man, Charleswood

Dear Commando: How do you feel when she goes braless and other guys can see her big or little details? Or, does she not do that to you — and spare you the jealousy? Think about it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My darling wife is a goof about Halloween, so we always decorate the yard and welcome kids for treats, and even sometimes have shots outside for shivering adults.

This year, my wife is ill and can’t come outside with me, and I don’t know whether to decorate or not all by myself. There’s some climbing and holding the ladder to do.

Will it make her feel better or more depressed if we decorate and she can’t take part? Maybe I should just order dinner in and play a Halloween movie and sit with her? 

— Hesitant Halloween Husband, Fort Garry

Dear Hesitant: There’s no need to dampen down the things that bring a sick person joy, thinking that’s showing some kind of respect. People like to be distracted from illness, not forced to look at it 24-7.

So, go for broke and do both! Tell her you’re bringing home a take-out dinner for the night you are decorating and set her up at the window in a comfy chair with all the boxes of stuff around her to choose from. Then you go outside and decorate, keeping in touch by cellphone so she can communicate her tips and instructions. If you want to make a small party of it, invite her best pal over to keep her company and one of your friends to help you outside. This could turn out to be a great, memorable time for everybody.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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