Vexed vampire lover gets stake in her heart

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This article was published 28/10/2018 (2895 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Halloween is my favourite time of year and I want to spend it with my new boyfriend the way I always did with my ex. We had a whole ritual that involved dressing up in vampire and lady victim clothes, answering the door to all the kids on my street and then acting out a vampire sex scene in the bedroom later.

I told my new guy about it, with great enthusiasm. He looked shocked and said wryly “over my dead body.” I laughed, thinking he had made a joke. But no, he really meant it. He says the vampire thing is childish and he’s not stepping into the “weird shoes” of my ex.

I started to cry. I didn’t know why, exactly, but it upset me much more deeply than you can imagine. The vampire thing is part of my quirky personality and I love all the vampire movies ever made. I find them sexy in a way, although I’m not crazy and don’t want holes in my neck. My new guy mocked me, and made me feel cheap and weird.

I don’t know what to do.

I was thinking I could invite my ex over for Halloween, but then he’d get hurt all over again because I don’t want him back permanently. Or, I could try and re-educate this man I’m with, who’s a normal guy in every way, with a good job. He says I’m “overreacting” to what he said, and is not sympathetic at all.

— Crying Off and On All Week, St. Boniface

Dear Crying: Listen to your tears. This new guy is not for you — nor is the old boyfriend. Luckily, they are a measly two men out of the world’s population.

You learned a big lesson this year. You need to free yourself and put great energy into a wider search. Part of the reason people don’t meet suitable new mates is they are too lazy to put in the energy to do a real search for what they want and need, and wait to see who will fall into their life by chance.

Instead of staying at home alone this year, invite some friends over who’ll dress up in costume and help you answer the door for the Halloween kids. Decorate your yard and trees and really enjoy the little party. Make a vow to do everything possible to find your kind of guy this year, not just a quick new boyfriend. Imagine if there were a $5-million prize if you found “true love” in the next year. Think of all the things you would do to meet enough people of the right type. Do all of them, and you’ll dig up more than one guy who’s creative, loves acting and Halloween and is game to role-play.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My parents used to put a bar on the property with drinks for the parents of Halloween trick-or-treaters so they could have a warming shot on the way by. My dad enjoyed playing bartender, in various crazy costumes, and he was great at making the scary voices. My folks lived on the street for years and everybody knew dad, no matter what crazy costume he was wearing. What fun!

My wife and I have moved to a new neighbourhood and only know about a dozen people. I want to do the same things as dad did, but I’m afraid it might not be welcome to all people. What do you suggest?

— New Ghost on the Block, Winnipeg

Dear New Ghost: Consider offering small hot coffees and green non-alcoholic drinks to the parents and kids going by, and only offer a little “nip” in the coffee to the dozen friends you already know, plus any other parents they night be teamed with for the night. Offering nips to strangers may not be your best move in the first year.

So, follow this up with neighbourhood barbecues next summer and expand your friendships. By next Halloween, you’ll know a lot more parents who will be looking forward to a fun stop at your house.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave.,Winnipeg, Man., R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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