Time to dump the jerk and trade up

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/10/2018 (2549 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m sorry to be such a baby, but my boyfriend just broke up with me. When I cried so hard and almost went into hysterics, he relented and took me back. He went home, and phoned me back and changed his mind. He called me a psycho. I’m not.

I just don’t know where to turn. My family and friends have said he was no good from the beginning and only into me for the money I make as a doctor. Who’s he to call me names? He can’t keep a job and always says they’re not giving him “respect.” He doesn’t respect them either, by phoning and making excuses for not coming in. He always joked to me, “Good thing you’re so rich and can feed me! Ha, ha.” It doesn’t seem to bother him to talk like a loser.

Why do I take it? I’m a nerd. I have studied all my life to be a doctor. This is only my second boyfriend and I wanted to hang on to him. It’s nice to finally have someone to share my life and my bed with most nights. I just never thought I’d have to pay for his company. He’s charming and good-looking, and I always wondered why he picked me.

He wants to be a full-time musician, but I doubt he’d make it to all his gigs. He doesn’t practise all that much, either. You know what they say about musicians and how to make it financially? “Marry well.” I used to think that was funny, but now I don’t. What should I do now?

— Lonely Doc, Winnipeg

Dear Lonely Doc: Maybe you should “marry well” yourself. What’s wrong with marrying a professional person like yourself or a successful businessman or tradesman who makes good money and likes his work? He’s likely to be dependable, and he could be lots of fun. That’s great for any kids you might have together — and you can afford a house, vehicles and holidays together.

No time to “shop” for love? Good news! It’s not considered bad form to marry people you meet at work anymore — just not people you work with closely. Maybe it’s time to look at doctors, specialists, male nurses, researchers or people who fundraise.

You’re considered a catch by your profession alone, but you need to raise your self-confidence with some counselling and let go of your old “nerd” identity.

And, since attraction is also physical, you will need a nice haircut, modern eyewear and smart clothes when looking for love. Luckily, you have the money to afford experts to help you with all that. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On Halloween night, my immature husband answers the door in scary, nasty monster masks and makes horrible noises to scare the heck out of the kids. The little ones run away without getting any candy, and the bigger ones roll their eyes. Some big guys just can’t get over wanting to be part of it. We don’t have any children yet.

I pointed out to my husband after a big fight that the number of trick-or-treaters at our door is dropping every year.

I’ve seen kids point at our house and run right past in a fright. They must think the homeowners are freaks. What can I do about him?

— Married To a Monster, Southdale

Dear Married to a Monster: Scaring kids at the door is not what he really needs. Let him growl and screech at adult parties with other ghouls, devils and werewolves, and they can try to scare each other to death. Your man needs to go to a lot of effort to satisfy his monstrous urges. Do some research and try to get him interested in a big public party with prizes for fantastic costumes he helps make.

He doesn’t want to go out? Host a big bash at your house and decorate the place with lights, including the bushes. You can be a witch with a steaming pot in the front yard. This man-child needs to go big-time at Halloween, so have some fun yourself. But be the first one to greet the neighbours and warn them in a reassuring way: “My husband’s just having fun being a monster at the door.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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