Wrong name in bed more than a boo-boo

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This article was published 16/11/2018 (2878 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In the middle of a lovemaking session, my boyfriend got up, got dressed and went home mad. Why did he abandon me? Unfortunately, I made a boo-boo and called out my old boyfriend’s name at the optimum moment. Both guys’ names start with a G, so I thought he should see the humour in my little mistake. He didn’t. I have called him at least 20 times and he won’t answer, though he hasn’t blocked me. What should I do next?

— Silly Mistake, River Heights

Dear Mistake: That was not a silly little mistake to him. It was insulting and hurtful and made him feel diminished as your new love partner.

What if he had called out the name of his last girlfriend in the same situation? Some words just can’t be put back in your mouth after they escape.

Since he has refused to answer your phone calls 20 times, you need to accept he doesn’t want anything to do with you. Otherwise, he could get really fed up and go after you for harassing him.

So listen up: don’t go visiting his place, drunk or sober, and ringing his doorbell. Don’t drive by to see if his light is on, or if he has company. Don’t leave a long, tear-stained letter on his windshield. Just let it be. A woman must respect a guy’s choice and his decision is to dump you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with a woman who lives in Alberta. All her family is there and, unfortunately, all my family is here in Winnipeg. She and I are both French and closely connected to our families — lots of siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents on both sides.

We didn’t mean to fall in love! We were introduced by a mutual friend last spring when she was in Winnipeg for a conference. We both went to the same university here in Winnipeg, but five years apart. Now she’s living in Calgary with a great job in the family business. I, too, have a job I love, but here in Winnipeg.

She and I just came back from a holiday together which was out of this world, but also very sad the last few days because we had to go back to our different worlds. We both cried.

I asked her if she would consider moving back to Manitoba and she gave me a flat no. She said she missed her Alberta roots and her large family the whole time she lived in Winnipeg and she loves the mountains and skiing.

So that leaves me to make a huge upheaval in my life. I have the beginnings of a great career in Winnipeg and have established many important connections. I know half the movers and shakers in this city. In another 10 years, I want to get into politics in a big way.

I’m afraid to explore this love any further, knowing she won’t move here. But what if she is “the one,” as I suspect. What do you suggest?

— Scared of Choosing, St. Boniface

Dear Scared: You already know what it feels like to be together on a holiday. Be aware, a lot of couples enjoy holidays more than real life together.

Try being without each other for a month — not a breakup, just some weeks apart to see how that feels — and set a date to talk about the future. If being apart hurts too much, then someone must be willing to give in and move.

It’s likely to be you. She’s already tried both cities, and you have not. She knows she doesn’t want to give up Calgary for Winnipeg. She tried it for years and wanted to go back home. And what if you had kids? Women who bear the children and do more than half of the early child care in a lot of two-career marriages really benefit by having relatives and trusted family babysitters on hand.

You, on the other hand, might enjoy Calgary and be able to build a political career there. Is your career transportable? It not, and you don’t feel you can afford to move, bear in mind, there is more than one love for people in life. You may have met your first love, but not the last.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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