Player girlfriend not marriage material

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This article was published 20/11/2018 (2529 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 23. I was shocked to find out this weekend that my girlfriend has also been seeing a woman while she has been with me. I caught them at a lunch place where I went with my brother. He quietly pointed out the table at the back and the two women holding hands across the table. I saw my girlfriend kissing the other woman’s palm in an erotic way, before leaning in and kissing her on the lips. My girlfriend has done this move with me and it is very sexual.

I was so upset, I ran over to the table and said, “Maybe you two lovers can explain what is going on?” The other woman glared at me and said to my girlfriend, “I’m going to leave for five minutes while you get rid of this idiot,” before stalking off to the bathroom.

My girlfriend saw the determined look on my face, but said defiantly: “I’m bisexual. This is my girlfriend from Toronto and I don’t get to see her very often. I see you most of the time, so don’t spoil this lunch!”

I said, “Not a problem. I won’t be taking up any more of your time, ever.”

I am really messed up and hurting now. This was the woman I thought I was going to marry and have children with. That’s what she let on she wanted, too. I was looking at engagement rings for Christmas, and she knew it.

And yet, she has the nerve to think she can drag a woman into our relationship?

She phoned me and acted as if every woman has a sexual girlfriend and it doesn’t count against the guy in your life. Not!

Marriage is for two adults, not three. I asked her how she’d feel if I had a gay male friend on the side, and the phone went silent. Still, she says she thinks I’m making a big deal over nothing. Help me, please! — Totally in Shock, River Heights

Dear Totally in Shock: This woman has been seriously dishonest with you for a long time, which is extremely alarming as you were on the brink of asking her to marry you.

Why did she keep this other relationship a secret, if it was no big deal? In a worst-case scenario, this other woman could have ended up the maid of honour at your wedding, and you’d have been none the wiser. What a thought!

It’s true that more young women than ever have a “girlfriend” at one point that’s not platonic — either as an experiment or as a long-term thing.

Bisexual husbands sometimes have friends they secretly have sex with, and these “friendships” can go on for years. Some bisexual men claim infrequent outlets on the down-low allow them to be satisfied husbands and fathers back home.

What you do know at this point is you don’t want a wife with a girlfriend. So that means this relationship is over for you.

It may not be over as quickly for your girlfriend, who had a good thing going with two people she loved. She will be upset because the family dream will be gone, for now.

You will have nobody for a while, but then someone new will come along, and this time you’ll be sure to ask all the important personal questions early on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m an OK-looking teenager and lots of guys like me. But the second something gets serious, I start to panic and end everything. I’m an awesome person and I love myself, but all that disappears when I start liking somebody and start thinking I’m not good enough.

The last guy I was with was really amazing and patient with me, but I dumped him anyways, because I started getting depressed. Now he has a girlfriend.

I just want to get past these crappy feelings. Do you think I should try therapy or something? Thank you for your time. —Therapy or Not? Winnipeg

Dear Therapy or Not: Yes, it’s a good idea to try therapy at this time in your young life, and get yourself straightened out. You can see you’re in a negative repeating loop, so it will be good to know all about what you’re doing and why, and start fixing it.

Investing in your emotional health — when you know for sure you have a problem — is wise and will reap dividends in terms of your future relationships. 

Your school counsellor can help. Your doctor could also point the way to a good psychologist or psychiatrist.

You could also visit the Teen Clinic, open every Thursday at Women’s Health Clinic at 419 Graham Ave. Klinic at 870 Portage Ave. also offers free walk-in counselling almost every day of the week. Call 204-784-4067 for hours.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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