Lose louse and regain self-respect

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This article was published 03/12/2018 (2855 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband has been saying he has erectile dysfunction (ED) and won’t take the medication for it. He says he’s worried about side-effects, which could be serious to him, given his family history.

I was the understanding wife. He still had a sex life because I continued to do all the work.

I just found out the reason he isn’t taking medication is because the whole thing has been a big fat lie! He has another girlfriend he’s having sex with, and whatever I do for him out of love and sympathy is an extra.

He promised her he would no longer have sex with me. How do I know all this? She’s mad at him and sent a confidential letter to his office complaining he hadn’t left me by Thanksgiving, as promised. He was dumb enough to come home with the letter, which I found in his jacket pocket. I read every heartbreaking word. Apparently, he’s already proposed to her, and gave her a small diamond engagement ring.

Can you believe the nerve? Is he sick? We have three half-grown kids in school and I’m at home looking after them. Now what?

— Going Crazy, East Kildonan

Dear Crazy: Now what? You have three kids and a husband who has put a ring on another woman’s finger. The man is a liar and cheater, and that engagement ring should be the final straw.

Is staying at home with the kids so important that you’d stay with this louse? Your kids are in school six or seven hours a day. It’s time you got a day job, a lawyer and your self-respect back. At least speak to a lawyer you don’t share with your husband and find out how much maintenance he would have to pay you.

As for hiding this affair from the kids — if you continue to stay with their father — forget it. They may already know and be hiding it, and that’s a real mind-bender for kids. Hold your chin up, face facts and do what has to be done. Let your kids see a courageous, capable woman — not a wife who can be bought off for housekeeping money by a double-dealing man. A good personal counsellor could help you come through this a stronger woman with more self-respect and control over her life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A short man with a complex is chasing after me. I am six inches taller than he is and I wear high heels whenever I feel like it. He tries to impress me with his wealth, cars, expensive trips and big home. I don’t want to share any of this with him, but he can’t stop calling me. He and his truly big ego won’t take no for an answer.

I have just started seeing a great new guy who is my height. He asked me last night why my phone is always buzzing. I tried to make less of it than it is. What should I do?

— Bothered By Pesky Little Fly, Southdale

Dear Bothered: Tell the guy you are dating someone more to your liking and that he has to stop calling you. Then tell the new guy about Pesky and ask him if he will help.

Next time Pesky calls when you are on a date, pass the phone to your new guy and have him politely tell the guy to get lost. A harassing male caller sometimes needs another man to get in the middle before he gives up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is coming home from university out west. Things didn’t go well last time she was home, and I’m ready to break up with her! I have not missed her since she went back to school. I need to be free! But, it’s Christmas. My best friend says it’s mean to dump somebody at Christmas, and it’s also mean to do it on the phone rather than in person. What do you think?

— Itching To Be Free, Winnipeg

Dear Itching: It’s past due to call her and talk about this. Talk for a while and say, “I’ve been thinking things aren’t going well for us anymore. How do you feel?” She may surprise you and dump you first. It only takes one person to veto a romance.

Then both of you are free at Christmas and you don’t have to meet her at the plane and buy phoney gifts for each other. Get it over with ASAP and you both have three weeks to adjust to spending your holidays only with friends and family.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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