Online fling more than he bargained for

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/12/2018 (2849 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went away for the weekend with a woman I’d been writing to online, and it was frightening. It wasn’t the lark we’d planned.

We had joked about having a “dirty weekend” for months and being so bad at doing the wild thing we would never want to see each other again in the same bed! Then we could relax and just be friends, living apart.

We actually rented a motel room in Brandon — halfway between Winnipeg and her town — and we were both shocked. We really liked one another, in a big way, and the sex was beyond fantastic. So was the talking and the dinners and playing nerdy board games like Scrabble in our room. We hardly went out, except to get sustenance. Now we’re in trouble.

Both of us have great careers at home and neither would ever want to leave those jobs. I guess the joke’s on us. Got any ideas? We sure don’t, and we’re not youngsters. — Fooled Around & Fell in Love, Winnipeg

Dear Fooled Around: It was a crazy thing to do — aiming your expectations so low. But the thing is, you weren’t strangers. You were intimate before you ever got to the motel.

You were exchanging thoughts and feelings for months and got very close. And laughing can turn into a tentative kiss that turns serious.

In your case, the experiment became a weekend of laughter and lovemaking instead of fumbling sex and embarrassing awkwardness.

My suggestion is the only one possible at this point. Go for it, and see where it takes you. If it’s The Big L, you’ll find a way to live together. One of you will find work in the other’s city somehow.

Most people like to help divided lovers get together. It won’t be as hard as you think.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell out of a tree while trying to put up the Christmas lights and landed on some big stones. I didn’t break anything but I feel like I’m beat up all over, especially my heart.

The thing that bothers me is my wife doesn’t give me any sympathy and says: “It’s your own freakin’ fault, you idiot!”

This harshness started with me at the lake when she was doing something stupid. She fell right out of the boat, and I said that same mean line to her — and then let her tread water until she learned her lesson. That is something my strict parents would have done to make me learn.

She has taken every opportunity to get even and this was another one. I’m still bruised and limping. I went to the doctor, who was plenty sympathetic. When she heard my wife say that same line at the clinic, she said: “Why are you speaking like that? This man could have been seriously hurt with broken bones!” That shut her up.

I don’t know how we can make peace. We don’t even want to touch each other. I “got” her first and she “got” me back. Now what? — Hurting Everywhere, Tuxedo

Dear Hurting: Now you both go for counselling and apologize after the counsellor talks to you both about the the hidden anger that surfaced when you had a chance to almost drown her beside the boat.

We understand why she has been mean — it’s been tit for tat.

It’s time to talk about sympathy and forgiveness. Some couples spend their whole marriages getting even with each other. To dissolve this anger, you need to apologize and promise each other to never do anything like that again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A scary person has returned from my past and I don’t want him here in the city. He’s my ex and I was obsessed with him until he finally moved away! But now I hear he’s back in Winnipeg with an excellent promotion, and has brought his wife and young children.

I actually had to receive therapy to separate my soul from his, so this news has taken me aback. I won’t hide behind bushes to spy on him again, but I will be thinking obsessively about him and the passionate love we once had. Please help me. — Never Thought He’d Return, North End

Dear Never Thought: Revisit that therapist you had way back when and talk about this right away. A good counsellor can help you avoid repeating obsessive behaviours with some reality-based thinking. This man moved on long ago, now has a wife and family, and probably a lawyer. Obsessing about him and engaging in questionable behaviour could get you in legal trouble

This man’s return to Winnipeg is not an opportunity for you to reignite the romance. He wants nothing to do with you. Anything you do or think about this man is a total waste of your time. Count on his wife to tell him to call the police if you try to contact him and make a nuisance of yourself. Just don’t do it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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