Married women play games, too

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/12/2018 (2848 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a woman, dancing at a bar I frequent. She was so cute! After spending the whole evening dancing with her, we walked outside to the river and kissed passionately in the moonlight. I knew her full name and where she worked from other people at the bar. I called her at work the next Monday and identified myself from the bar. She acted as if I was someone out of a bad dream. She said very coldly: “I’m married. I thought you knew, since you knew my name and where I worked.” Call me a farm boy, but I was shocked! What was she doing out at the bar, dancing and flirting with a guy and then sharing a romantic kiss? This was not just a peck on the cheek.

She was coming on to me first. How’s a guy supposed to know what’s really happening? And she’s young, in her late 20s, and can’t have been married that long. Is this a thing now? Why are these women playing with single men and their feelings?

— Confused and Annoyed, West End

Dear Confused and Annoyed: It seems this group of young-ish women are trying to have their wedding cake and eat it too. In other words they want to hang on to their marriage, but pretend to be single for a night of dancing and flirting — with their wedding bands in their purses.

A good line to elicit information about marital status is this little guilt-inducer: “I see you have no ring on your finger. Have you ever been married?” Bringing up that touchy topic is going to make most married women disappear. Also, it’s better than asking outright, “Are you married?” which sounds paranoid, when your dance partner has no wedding ring on her finger.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came home from a big night out with my husband at his office Christmas party. One of the men at his office used to date me sporadically when we were young. A couple times a year we’d go out for pizza, a movie and some fooling around afterwards, but we never did the wild thing. He had a little too much free booze at the party and whispered into my ear “I always regretted we never went all the way.” I looked around shocked and said, “Shut up! I’m going to pretend I never heard that!” and pushed him away.

I’d like to say I was totally disgusted, but I wasn’t. I went home thinking about what he said. It has bugged me ever since. I wish we had done it, too. It was a great curiosity, but we were young and we weren’t fooling ourselves that there was a major attraction. Now that sex with my husband is infrequent and predictable, this has really set off my imagination. How do I handle this?

— Daydreaming About It, Southdale

Dear Daydreaming: Treat it as a hint from the universe to stoke up your sexual relationship with your husband ASAP. In reality, this former date may have been awkward and fumbling if you’d gone all the way with him in your youth. You no doubt married your husband because, among other things, the sex was good. Find yourself a sex book that lays out whole scenarios for a hot romantic night with your partner. Show the book to your husband and watch what makes his eyes light up. This guy’s comment may actually turn out to be a good thing for you and your husband.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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