Rethink your future with mommy’s girl

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This article was published 14/12/2018 (2850 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is expecting an engagement ring for Christmas, and I’m not giving her one. I’m giving her a diamond pendant instead, but she’s going to be hurt.

I’m not 100 per cent sure I want to marry her, and she’s going to know it. I think by giving her a pendant everyone can see, her family will think the ring will be coming next and I can stave off the questions.

The truth is I’m not sure if it will be next birthday, or never. Lately, she’s been doing some things that really annoy me, like telling her mother everything we do together, including embarrassing sexual stuff. Her mother is young and I’m sure she’s right up with modern sexual practices, but I don’t need her knowing intimate details about our sex life — like my physical shortcomings, how often we do it and what techniques we use. It’s creepy!

She’s a Mommy’s Girl if there ever was one, and it feels like there are three people in this relationship, instead of two. Please help. I’m totally unsure about her. — Close But No Cigar? Brandon

Dear No Cigar: People who have to sit around worrying about reports going back to their girlfriend’s mom are not living an adult relationship. Your girlfriend should not have to confer with Mama on these intimate things. Some young women talk to their girlfriends about the “dirty details” and that’s bad enough, but their mother? 

You’re smart to give your girlfriend a pendant this Christmas. No one will mistake it for an engagement ring — but it does symbolize adoration or a passionate feeling. That might buy some time.

But be aware that Valentine’s Day is only seven weeks after Christmas. You can’t keep ducking that ring thing forever.

Bottom line? When there’s that much doubt, you really shouldn’t be getting married.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hurt my hand badly in a work accident and can’t go to work for a few months. My husband resents my being at home “doing nothing.” But, as you know, housework is manual labour and requires the use of my hand.

He says if I’m going to be at home all the time, I should “make myself useful” and get some work done around the house. Miss L, I can’t move my hand or risk reinjuring it, and it’s my dominant hand!

It’s not like we don’t have enough money coming in. He makes pots of money, and I get some for my healing period.

What do you suggest? He makes me so mad! — Ready To Scream, River Heights

Dear Ready to Scream: This doesn’t make total sense to me. What are you doing at home that irks your husband so much? Have you been binge-watching TV in a bed that’s never made and not getting dressed all day? Are you ordering in and leaving take-out containers lying around?

That would be sneer-worthy. And if so, your husband may be feeling like he’s living with a negligent teenager.

Right now, he thinks he’s doing all the work, and he may be right. He does his job outside the house, then comes home and has to do all the inside work like cooking, laundry and cleaning.

There’s no need to squabble when you have this kind of money to spare. Hire a cleaner as well as a cook. Make the bed with one hand, get dressed in something nicer than pyjamas.

As for that homey smell of meat cooking in the oven, surely your husband can cook a roast or a chicken on the weekend and fire in some potatoes and veggies to roast.

By the way, the best place outside the house for cooked veggies are Asian restaurants who could deliver after 4 p.m. every few days.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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