New beau can’t bear old nickname

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This article was published 10/02/2019 (2460 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I started calling my new boyfriend “Bear” because he’s big and woolly, with great big hairy arms like a bear. I love him that way. But last night, after we made love and I called him “my Bear,” he told me never to call him that again.

What could I say but, “Sorry to offend you”? He said I didn’t offend him — it had just reminded him of someone else. So I guess I’m not the first woman to experience him as a big, cuddly bear. I’m kind of disappointed to be No. 2 and I wonder if he still misses the other girlfriend, since it seems to bother him so much.

What should I do? The upsetting nickname has been said by me more than once. I feel like I just “stepped in it” after we were just starting to fall in love.

— Blown it by Mistake? Winnipeg

Dear Blown: It’s not too late, if this relationship has any legs. This is a small bump on the road towards love. A partner should be free to tell you not to use words that were used in a previous relationship for endearment — or maybe as an insult.

It’s much better for you to find out what’s bugging him than to have him cringe in private and distance himself from you.

A better response from you would have been a cheerful, “Didn’t know. My bad. Sorry — I’ll fix that.”

Then he can breathe easy again and so can you.

By the way, don’t ask him for more details about the nickname. The story could embarrass him or be hurtful for you to hear.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend always seems to be shopping for a new guy when we’re out at the bar. Her best friend is always with us and she sits on the other side of her as they secretly discuss all the guys they look over.

I can see where their eyes go and they will even talk behind their hands, giggling and muttering rude comments I can sometimes hear.

It doesn’t go any further than that, as far as I know. But how would my girlfriend like to see me doing that with a guy friend — ogling women and discussing their body parts? She’d call us pigs!

It’s like women are getting even with sexist pigs in general by acting like them. I’m getting sick of it, but I don’t know what to do. She isn’t actually cheating on me.

— Getting Fed Up, West End

Dear Fed Up: Women complain bitterly if men whistle or make sexual remarks when they go by. Your woman and her friend are like those hooting guys.

You don’t have to wait for her to actually cheat before you break up and find a woman with more class and a secure sense of equality. Say bye-bye to this girlfriend. Look for someone with manners and a better attitude about men in general, and you in particular.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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