Should ex-wife be next wife?

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This article was published 13/02/2019 (2456 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Two years after my wife died, I started phoning my first wife to say hello. That’s been about five years now. She laughs and pretends she doesn’t know who it is, and then I laugh, and we have a really nice talk.

Last year, her husband died. I have always loved her deep down, although I really did love my second wife. I wonder if it would be OK to suggest we get together for dinner. I secretly wonder if there’s a chance for us now that we are both free again.

To be honest, she broke up with me because I deserved to be dumped. I was too young to be married, but she was pregnant and I loved her. I paid the bills, but I never came home for supper. I just conducted myself like I did when I lived with my mother and came home whenever I pleased.

After two years of this and constant fighting about my behaviour, my young wife left me and went back to her parents. Later, she met a real nice guy and remarried. The guy was really good to my son and treated him like his own. I have always been grateful to him.

My son and I got closer when he turned 10, and I had finally grown up. I went to all his games and took him fishing and we talked a lot. I didn’t marry again until I was in my 40s. She was a lovely woman, and I was a good husband. But she’s gone now. What do you think about my crazy idea?

— A First Husband’s Pipe Dream? Southdale

Dear Pipe Dream: You might ask your ex-wife out for dinner, but do so very casually, with no pressure to get back together. Her romantic feelings about you may have died forever, considering what happened. But it could be a nice friendship. Why not try? I think you would be sorry if you don’t. But don’t go sending her a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day.

Call as you always do and talk. Then, maybe a week or so later, call and ask her out for dinner. Don’t be cheap, but choose a casual place you think she might like. Just be pleasant and warm. Shoot for friendship, and see what happens.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m crazy about this girl at work, and we’re both single. I want to buy her some flowers, but don’t know how to go about it without embarrassing her or me, or alerting the whole office. If I put them on her windshield at quitting time, they’ll freeze. I don’t know her address. I just know she’s free and doesn’t have a boyfriend right now, but that situation won’t last for long. We joke around a lot — in fact that’s our thing. I always tease her about having a crush on Justin Bieber. (He happens to look like me, but I can’t sing.)

— Funny Guy, North End

Dear Funny Guy: Tuck a miniature box of chocolates in her hand at work and say, “These are from the Biebs. He told me to give them to you.” It will look like a joke, but if she’s smart, she will realize the chocolates are a signal you have a little crush on her. That’s all she needs to know. She can make the next move, or let it drop if she’s not interested in anything beyond friendship. Follow her lead, and don’t sulk if things don’t work out romantically. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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