Fulfilling life leaves no room for envy

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This article was published 02/03/2019 (2773 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a problem with envying other people. We all have those friends and family members we’ve grown up with whose lives are like a constant rainbow. It’s like they’re constantly on Cloud 9.

It bothers me because nothing exciting happens in my life. My family is very boring and simple.

Then you have that friend who does everything wrong and bad sometimes, but they get into that dream college, they get the season tickets, the trips, the clothes, the relationships and on and on.

I just don’t know what to say or how to handle this anymore. —Lacking in Luck, Winnipeg

Dear Lacking Luck: The reason this bothers you is you’re busy watching other people and secretly competing with them. You don’t know the downsides to their lives, but I have been hearing about them in letters to my column for years.

Don’t waste time envying a rich person who might be lonely, but doesn’t tell anyone. Don’t waste your time envying other people and their relationships that look great on the outside, but may in truth be hiding pain you never see.

Focus instead on filling your life with fun and good people, and participating in activities that draw people to you. Explore pursuits that bring meaning to your life, be it involvement with a church or charity work — something that comes from the heart.

You spend way too much time looking around instead of creating a life for yourself. That envy and bitterness can sometimes discourage people from engaging with you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother has a big heart and constantly drags home men who aren’t worthy of her. I don’t know where you find a woman like her with a great job, a side business, a fit body and pretty face.

She seems to settle for men beneath her and I don’t understand why. I tried to talk to her about it and she just started crying. I don’t know what else to do.

My dad is no help. He has a new young wife and two little boys. — Worried Daughter, 18

Dear Worried: Keep telling your mom she deserves a great guy. Finally, in exasperation, she may tell you why she thinks she doesn’t.

The answer may lie in why she thinks she lost your dad. You may not want to hear it, but if you’re really interested in helping your mom, you’ll listen.

Tell her she should see a psychologist or relationship counsellor. Even if it angers her, it might sink in that if her 18-year-old thinks something is terribly awry, it probably is.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went out with a new boy who said he wanted to treat me to dinner. He drove us there and ate too much. He didn’t have enough to treat me.

I had $20 my mom gave me for a cab home if things went bad and used it to pay for most of our dinner. Then I took the bus home, even though it was late.

Why was Mom mad at me? She has never wanted me to stay with a jerk. — Confused and Angry, North End

Dear Confused: It can be dangerous to be a young girl in the killer cold late at night waiting alone for a bus. Your best bet would have been to pay for dinner quietly and then called your parents to come get you. Or you could have quietly asked the boy to drive you straight home.

Yes, the ride might have been awkward, but safer than waiting for a bus late at night in the cold.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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