Sudden interest in ailing father suspicious

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This article was published 05/04/2019 (2730 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dad is getting close to the end of his life and is living in hospice care, conscious but not well at all. I have four brothers and one sister. One of my brothers moved to the United States about 20 years ago and has been absent for much of our lives.

That’s not to say he and his family are off-putting or rude. They send birthday cards and call us at Christmas, but they almost never come visit. Even with dad on his deathbed, they still have no plans to come here. The rest of us are upset about this, but not overly surprised.

Here is the problem: they just left my sister a voice mail last night saying they wanted to take over the handling of the estate, as they have a great lawyer (in their opinion) who will be truly fair. We already have a lawyer who is honest and trusted. We don’t want someone we don’t know working on it and we are suspicious of our absent brother who’s suddenly interested in family affairs.

It’s going to be difficult to let this telephone call slide, but so far nobody is willing to say anything. Should I step up or sit down?

— Suspicious Oldest Brother, South End

Dear Suspicious: It’s interesting this absent brother is coming up with a lawyer when the death of your father is imminent. Suddenly he seems to think there’s something of interest to him on this side of the border — and it might be money or property.

Speak with your family lawyer about this turn of events and ask what needs to be done to put your brother in his place. Then carry out your father’s existing wishes. Perhaps your brother needs a letter from your lawyer to let him know his siblings won’t be bullied.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Is it common for people to forget they have a partner? My boyfriend went to the bar last weekend and made out with a girl in front of a bunch of people we know. He says he was drunk and it will never happen again.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. Why would he just up and do that? Do you think he’s done this before? What do you advise?

— Dump Him or Counselling, East Kildonan

Dear Dump or Counsel: Excuse me, did you call him your boyfriend? Why would you waste good money on a guy who doesn’t know the meaning of the word?

Cheating boyfriends are easy to dump, especially those who cheat in public. There’s no marriage to dissolve and no children. You just tell him and all his friends that you’re kicking him to the curb and returning to single life. 

That will be a lesson to all the guys who hear it and any women who consider him boyfriend material. A guy who looks tasty, but is unfaithful, tends to lose his appeal quickly when he’s been publicly rejected.  

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: How do you handle a workplace bully? I have a boss who yells at female staff when he’s mad, but then acts like they’re best friends when he’s happy.

I’ve seen him make women cry twice now and it burns me up. They are awesome ladies and I can’t believe they still come to work. I wouldn’t, but my boss clearly treats me differently because I’m a guy. Yeah, he can be a jerk to me and the other guys here, but it’s nothing compared to the verbal abuse he piles on those women. It’s like night and day, but I guess he is blind. What do I do? I can’t keep silent, but I need this job — and he is volatile.

— Feeling Muzzled, Transcona

Dear Muzzled: Tone of voice is everything. If you can talk to your boss outside of work, ask him an innocuous question like, “How did you work things out with ‘so-and-so’ after you made her cry the other day?” His response will likely be, “Made her cry? I didn’t make her cry!” Then you can set him straight and tell him you saw it. 

Say everything in an even, understanding tone. This kind of person often doesn’t think about what happened after they blew their stack. Sometimes they’re so caught up inside their own heads, they don’t even consider what the object of their anger is feeling. 

You don’t have to belabour the point. Other than making him aware of the pain he is causing, there’s not much more you can do without getting yourself in trouble.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. 

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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