Girl’s first crush cause for concern?

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This article was published 10/04/2019 (2405 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My daughter is in Grade 7 and she’s starting to deal with boys and all the things that come with that.

The ones in her school don’t sound terrible, but I never hear much about them. They seem to have become a recent interest of hers.

I think she’s having her first serious crush. I want to talk to her about it, but I am scared I’ll make her uncomfortable or she’ll just tell me to go away.

We have a good relationship, but daughters can really unleash it on their moms at her age.

Can you help me find a way to connect with my daughter on this new level without coming off as the old-fashioned parent or the “too cool” parent? — Concerned and Unsure Mom, Winnipeg

Dear Unsure: Can you mention your first crush to her casually, and how you felt at the time? That might open the door to her sharing a little with you about hers. Or not. She may suspect you’re fishing, which you are.

What she doesn’t want is judgment or preaching. Let’s say the crush is of a different religion, race, age or comes from a different neighbourhood — no judgment. Maybe it’s even a girl she has a crush on — don’t judge that either.

You have to remember they’re not getting married in Grade 7, so you don’t need to preach or panic about anything, only that the “crush” be nice to your daughter. You might also ask a little bit about their personality.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am fairly attractive and am so sick of getting hit on by strangers. Men — whether they think they’re being nice or they’re just a straight-up macho loser — always do it.

It happens in the grocery store, walking to school, at work, everywhere. I am not trying to sound conceited. I just want it to stop.

It wouldn’t be so bad if they would just say what they say and then leave me alone, but so many seem to think I owe them a conversation or something.

I give them a dirty look, but that’s not me. I want to live in a friendly, but not creepy, society. Do you have any ideas for easing the pressure I carry in public? — Tired of Being Hit On, University of Winnipeg

Dear Tired: If a woman yells on a Paris street that a man is bothering her, other women — complete strangers — band together and beat the guy over the head with their umbrellas and chase him away. I saw it happen and a pharmacist nearby explained this cultural phenomenon to me. Only the hard-core idiots who wanted to risk an umbrella beating still hit on women in public areas.

If a man is bothering you with comments or whistles, or he’s following you, go right up to a clerk or manager in any place of business and say loudly and clearly, “There’s a man bothering me,” and point to him if he is nearby. (They will usually slink away.)

If a man is simply making eyes at you, turn your head and get him out of your line of sight. Then it’s no fun for him.

And no, you don’t have to talk to him if he’s actually making nice comments to you.

If other women have methods for getting rid of strangers who hit on them, please write to the address below and I’ll share them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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