Life’s too short to spend with bad neighbours

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This article was published 15/04/2019 (2730 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a neighbour who’s straight-up insane. I’ve caught him pouring garbage into my yard, and he gives me the finger when I’m outside. Any time I walk anywhere near the property line, he rushes outside and screams at me about how I need to learn to respect people’s property and calls me a bunch of crazy names.

I’m a reasonable guy, so I let him yell it out and then laugh and go back to my house. At the end of the day, I love this big house and can’t really afford a similar one in a decent neighbourhood. I suppose this is just the “tax” I pay to have this great house in a tougher area.

Any ideas on how to solve this issue? From what I can tell, it started when I accidentally let my garbage cans sit too close to his yard on garbage day, but that was last year.

— Victim of a Raging Idiot, West End

Dear Victim: My dear, departed brother — a lawyer — used to say it was worth your life to give in and remove yourself from bad neighbours. Why? Because every time you look at them or deal with them, your blood pressure rises — not good for heart health at all. Consider moving to a medium-sized house in a better neighbourhood. Before buying anything, introduce yourself to the neighbours on either side and ask them about the neighbourhood.

If you can’t afford to move, block the crazy neighbour with tall privacy hedges, like pyramidal cedars, planted fairly close together, but far enough from your shared property line that they don’t grow onto his side.

Need outside help? You might record him on your phone next time he’s screaming in your face, and then try calling the non-emergency police line (204-986-6222). Let police know what is happening and ask what to do next.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I caught my mom huddling in the guest bedroom scarfing down cupcakes from a box. It was like walking in on someone who was looking at porn or doing drugs. My mom is a very heavy lady with heart troubles.

My dad has fought with her about this and I feel like he has just stopped bothering, as it seems futile. I worry about her health, but I also know how deeply ashamed she feels about her weight.

When I walked in on her, she gasped and made a weird yelling noise. She then tried to cram a half-eaten cupcake into a drawer. I didn’t know what to say. How do I even talk about such a sensitive issue with her?

— Cupcake Cop, East Kildonan

Dear Cupcake Cop: Your mom is addicted to sugar, which can call to her many times a day. Neither you nor your father have made a dent in her huge appetite for sweets, so you must look further afield. Dad needs to talk to the family doctor.

And you could talk to mom, too. Presenting her with a solution will generate better results than humiliation and criticism. Tell her that it’s not her fault she craves sugar, but you’ve been researching and found she could still have sweet things if she used a natural sweetener like Stevia, which is not as hard on the system as more common sweeteners.

She may also be dealing with a deeper emotional issue that could be driving her behaviour, so approach this with love and some caution. See if you can get her to talk about the frustrations and fears in her life. If this conversation is too intimate for her to have with her offspring, gently suggest she talk to her doctor.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is embarrassing, but I haven’t had sex in a very long time. I’m 29 years old and it has been six years since my last “encounter.” My longest relationship was seven months. I also haven’t had a relationship since that last encounter. I’m not an angry guy, I just wish it was easier for me to talk to women. Any tips?

— Desperate for Ideas, Fort Richmond

Dear Desperate: Desperation is your worst enemy. Women can sense it and it makes them nervous.

Women want a guy who is fun, warm and friendly. What they don’t want is a guy who’s staring at their body with a look on his face that tells them he’s really desperately interested in sex. Almost every woman will run from that.

Has a woman ever had to say to you, “My eyes are up here”? That’s the kind of thing you need to avoid at all costs.

Look into a woman’s face when you’re talking to her. If something happens in a dating situation later, you will both be looking at each other from head to toe.

I suggest downloading some of the popular dating apps, not for sex, but to get more comfortable talking to women. Make sure you have a nice photo to use for your profile pic.

Right or wrong, women are often the ones who need to be extra cautious before jumping into bed with a stranger and need to know they are doing so with someone who is safe.

By not focusing on having sex with women, you will make new female friends.

Eventually someone nice will come along and you will be ready.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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