DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend is a big guy and snores at night, right into my ear. I got a bright idea and decided that as soon as he dropped off, I would take my pillows and sleep upside down at the other end of our king-size bed.
I am a small woman — about 5-2 — so my feet came up to about his chest, fully extended. Unfortunately I didn’t tell him about this until he found out himself. He partially woke up and reached out for me to make love in the morning, kissing my bare feet. He yelped and sat up and spotted me snoozing away on my favourite pillow at the bottom of the bed.
I thought it was funny, but he is not amused because I won’t back off my solution to his snoring. He’s at fault here! Should he get some anti-snoring equipment?
— Can’t Stand Snoring in My Ear, Downtown
Dear Can’t Stand Snoring: For his health’s sake, he should have himself checked out for sleep apnea, as it can be dangerous if he stops breathing long enough.
Also, you need to get your rest and he needs to be sensitive to that. Ask him how he’d suggest you get your necessary night’s sleep.
His family doctor can refer him to a sleep clinic for an overnight sleep study and he can find out the severity of his snoring and his breathing situation and what he can do about it. As for the immediate sleeping/snoring problem, you can try different types of earplugs, although they often don’t do a complete job of blocking loud snoring.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My life is turning out just like my mother secretly hoped it would. She’s a musician who did OK and made a living out of it, and owns her own little house. She was jealous of her own kid, and hoped my career as a rock musician would not eclipse her own. She didn’t even give me lessons past age 10, when it was clear I was very musical. My last rock band broke up and my guitar gigs have lessened in the past two years. I have a lousy day job to earn my living, working in a store.
There has never been another woman with such an ego — she refers to herself as "the musician in the family" to friends and relatives — and now she can finally discount me totally. I have begun to dread seeing her, and here comes Christmas.
She had such a smug look on her face last Christmas when she handed me a pair of socks and a cheque saying she thought I needed the money for rent more than the present. I hated that money, but I took it. I’d been living in my friend’s basement.
I don’t feel like I’m at all finished as a musician, and now a good friend in Toronto has asked me to come and live with him and play in his band. They’re doing really well. I’m leaving before Christmas and haven’t told my mother yet, and she will be alone except for her drunk friends at Christmas. I just can’t face another Christmas morning with her. What should I tell her, or should I just blow town?
— Her Ungrateful "Loser" Son, Winnipeg
Dear "Loser" Son: Don’t blow town without contacting Mom. Take the high road to Toronto and you’ll be glad you did. Tell her the truth on the phone, if you can’t face her. In an upbeat voice, tell her you have new work and you have to be off ASAP to Toronto to take advantage of it.
Also, tell her you hope she has a nice Christmas with her friends but you won’t be here. If she wants argue and to "get into it," tell her last Christmas was such an awkward and hurtful situation, you don’t want to repeat it this year. She may say she’s sorry, or just place the blame on you.
Leave her a small gift in any case, like gloves or a scarf, wrapped up nicely, with a card saying Merry Christmas. If the fight is too bad, just leave it in her mailbox. She won’t feel quite as upset if you leave her a little gift, and you won’t feel as guilty.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a crush on my neighbour who helped me out of snowy ruts behind our houses one morning. Aside from getting stuck again, I don’t know how to see him socially. I’m too shy to knock on his door and I hear he’s single. What can I do?
Dear Stuck: Send him an old-fashioned Christmas card to thank him for getting you out of the snow and ask him if you can take him for a coffee or Christmas drink and give him your phone number on the card. Then hand-deliver it, hoping you’ll get caught at his mailbox. Maybe he’s been wanting to see you again, too!
Please send your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.