Sort scuzzy hubby with lusty lake scrub

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/08/2021 (1882 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a slob at the cabin — no deodorant, wears dirty clothes from the floor and never combs his hair or brushes his teeth, unless I order him to. He says it’s his holiday from the office! Plus, he’s rested up and wants lots of sex. Yuck! I am so turned off by him in his scuzzy cabin persona. Please help.

— Disgusted Wife of Lake Slob, Lake of the Woods

Dear Disgusted Wife: Tell Reeking Romeo to brush his teeth and to go jump in the lake — literally! That may be the only place where he gets somewhat clean. Then, jump in after him and give him a scrub for some preliminary fun! Show him a clean guy turns you on, and then lead him into the cabin for the final event — so the neighbours don’t freak.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a professional chef and do all the cooking in our house, because my wife says she “just doesn’t know how.” Such a lie! She’s an intelligent person who used to cook for her first husband. If she shared some of the responsibility in our kitchen, we’d be happier. I’m sick of cooking after work, and would appreciate anything she made. I wouldn’t be as tired and crabby all the time.

I must confess that when she does cook, I can’t help offering her a little advice on how to improve something if it’s begging for help in the pan.

—Tired Chef, Winnipeg

Dear Tired: Most chefs can’t resist making annoying little suggestions to improve a dish. You’re guilty of this, to the point your wife was annoyed enough to swear off cooking for you!

Meals made ahead are the fix for this problem. You be the ingredient-list writer, cook, seasoner and sauce maker, and your wife can be the shopper and chopper. Turn on some music, drink something fun and make a bunch of dinners in a one-night blitz. Then freeze them all, and relax. Remember, don’t criticize the shopper!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came roaring back to Winnipeg from the cabin we rented this summer because I found out my teenagers were partying it up, and getting way out of line. My neighbour girlfriend, who lives two doors down, called at 8 a.m. and blew the whistle on them.

I jumped in the car and arrived in the city at 11 a.m. to haul their butts out of bed. The place was a wreck. I started yelling! My son and daughter were obviously hungover, and our liquor cabinet door was still open, with bottles missing. Rum, rye and vodka bottles were empty on the counter, with empty cans of mix everywhere.

“Stop yelling. We were going to replace it today,” my daughter said in a whisper. I told them to clean it up fast, then pack their suitcases and get in the car. I took them back to the lake. Neither one has a summer job because of COVID, which made work tough to find and possibly dangerous.

Their angry dad had a list of jobs ready for them to get started on. I have to say they are horrible company.

My question to you: Do we keep them here another week, trusting their work punishment at the lake will smarten them up and then send them home? My son muttered this morning they’re being “used as servants,” and I just laughed in his face.

— No Trust Left, Winnipeg

Dear No Trust: Being a parent and guardian to teenagers is a full-time job for the summer, especially when they don’t have summer work to keep them busy. Sending them home again, hoping they’ve learned their lesson, will only cause you more worry.

So, scout around and help them find them work away from the cabin at the lake after they work through Dad’s list. Perhaps there’s work at a business in the nearest lake town or at a golf course, or maybe neighbours have odd jobs that could be done, such as helping to build a shed or doing some landscaping or gardening. If all else fails, you may want to go home early from the lake, where you all have a life and friends and you’re not in each other’s hair day and night.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography