Comparing number of past lovers never a good idea

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This article was published 11/04/2016 (3844 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I started dating this woman six weeks ago and we decided we were going to make dinner together at her place and make love for the first time. Over dinner we killed one bottle of wine and she started on the second. She suddenly got very chatty and asked me how many people I had slept with. I sat there dumbfounded. I’m a musician and we used to be well-known in this city. I have had sex with a lot of women whose names I don’t remember and used to have women following me home from the bars. I’m guessing my number would be over 100.

She shyly volunteered her number was nine. I looked at her and said, “Well, I hope they were nine great ones!” and tried to laugh off the whole stupid topic. She kept pushing me for my number and I finally said, “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.” She was drunk and laughed and pounded on the table and said, “That’s a joke! You’re a musician and have probably done half the town.”

At this point I felt like I’d been invited for dinner and walked into the Spanish Inquisition. Finally, I told her I found the conversation stupid and uncomfortable and was going to leave, and I did. So, Miss Lonelyhearts, what’s a person supposed to do when they’re asked for the number of people they have been with and they’re too embarrassed to give it?

— Hundred or More, Winnipeg

Dear Hundred or More: A smart person never gives their sex-partner number. How can it possibly help a relationship, once other sex partners have been entered into the conversation? You were wise to get out of there when you did. This woman was drunk and silly enough to offer information that you didn’t need or want, and then demanded the same from you. You were not obliged to answer. The details of former sex partners can stir up unpleasant feelings, such as jealousy, inadequacy and disrespect, and always create curiosity and speculation. The number should go with you to your grave, but too many people are willing to yap. You didn’t bow to pressure. Congratulations!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have an unhappy bladder. I have to go to the bathroom more often than most people. Unfortunately, my understanding girlfriend of many years recently dumped me, and all of my crummy social life has since been online. I was half-hoping not to meet a woman I was interested in right now because I have to go to the bathroom so frequently it’s likely to be annoying to a new person. It doesn’t make a guy feel very attractive at a dinner out, a concert or a movie. I won’t go into detail, but I’ll be getting this bladder issue fixed later this spring.

Now here comes trouble! This funny woman I recently met online says she doesn’t care, and really wants to meet me. I felt humiliated telling her about my problem, but she laughed it off. Today she told me she has a few problems of her own. I asked her what they were, and she said I would see them when I met her. What? I’m confused because I have seen her picture and she looks great. What should I do?

— Head Spinning, West End

Dear Head Spinning: Go for a date, already. Instead of sitting there making excuses for yourself and wondering what horrors the lady might present, go out for a friendly coffee and dessert, and just have fun. Too many people build up an idea that a meetup is going to be the start of a new relationship. Take your sense of humour and a wad of cash and go out to meet this person. If anything more comes of it, have dinner and keep talking! If the meeting doesn’t create any kind of spark, so what? You have a drink and a nice chat and you’re still ahead, with a new friend.

If pride doesn’t get in the way, you can amass a number of great new friends using the Internet, and they just might introduce you to The One some day. Don’t write people off if they aren’t exactly what you hope for.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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