Nude painting of ex draws suspicion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/10/2015 (4003 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend moved into my house and we were all cosy and happy for a few months until I got suspicious about his ex. He was away again last weekend “on business” and I wondered if he was with her somewhere. I was snoopy enough to go down to the basement and look through some of his stuff. Et Voila!

There was a carefully wrapped art piece in new brown paper that turned out to be a nude painting of his former wife, lovingly rendered and signed and dated by him, done not that long ago. (He fancies himself an artist.)

He’s been estranged from her for several years, but has made no move to divorce her. He still gives her money every month, although they had no children together. He’s mentioned casually they sometimes have coffee together now and talk about their mutual interest in art.

He told me when we met that she was “a real bitch” to him and cheated on him, so he threw her out. But, is that the truth of the matter? Do you think he still loves her? He never says the love word to me, but I thought it would come in time. He says he loved her to distraction and “almost madness” and was depressed for months after they split up.

— Tears of Fear, River Heights

Dear Tears: It’s time for a reality check. You let him move in with no declaration of love between you — like he was checking into a rehab clinic. Now he’s seeing his former love obsession again over coffees in public, or so he says, so there’s been some kind of forgiveness and reconciliation. Call me cynical, but those sketchy weekends away are probably not for anything other than monkey business. The painting you found served a purpose: it jolted you out of your place of denial.

This man can love passionately, but sadly he doesn’t love you.

You won’t find out what’s really going on unless you confront him. Tell him his reconnection with this woman, the coffees, the questionable weekends away and then seeing that recent painting make you suspicious that his feelings for her are still strong. Rock the boat! Ask him point-blank if this is actually the real story and study his face as he speaks. If you’ve been the bandage for his broken heart, or the way to elicit jealousy from her, he needs to pack his stuff and give you privacy to mourn and get on with your life.

If his ex-wife cheated on him, she doesn’t have a strong moral issue with cheating. In fact, she might enjoy cheating with him, now that you have him. You can bet she isn’t worried about your feelings. If he swears up and down she burned him and means nothing to him now, then ask him why he goes near the fire. Tell him you won’t be part of a triangle, even if it just looks like that’s the case, and ask him to find new digs.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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