Immature boyfriend was right: you should get lost

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This article was published 21/03/2016 (3528 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend, 18, swears he gets car sick if he isn’t the one driving the car, so he always picks me up and rules the roost. He is a crappy driver, but he’s in control. I try to warn him when he’s about to make a driving mistake, but he tells me he’s the driver and I should shut up. I’d dump him except he’s great-looking, great in bed and lots of fun outside the car. It’s just the horrible driving thing and him telling the car-sick lie. I asked his best friend if he gets sick in his car, and he said no.

I worry we might might get in an accident every second of every time we’re driving. Last night took the cake. We went out and he had six beers, then insisted on driving me home. I gave him a big kiss goodbye, and took a cab home. Now he’s mad. Too bad, so sad, except I really like him, and don’t want to break up. He said I made him look like a fool in front of his friends. I said, “You could have caused an accident that hurt or killed me, or both of us, or other innocent people.” He said back, “I can ‘t talk sense to you, so get lost!” and hung up. What should I do?

— Sitting at Yellow Light, Winnipeg

Dear Sitting at Yellow Light: You should get lost. You should get far away from this guy who could potentially kill you if he’s drunk and careless, and you should look for a new guy who’s attractive to you, much more grown-up for his age and doesn’t lie about being car sick. Some people meet each other at social events and drive themselves home if they have a partner who gets drunk or stoned when they go out to party. It’s called self-preservation. BTW, lots of guys are great at making love, especially the ones who aren’t self-centred like this guy is!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t exactly hate my mother, but I can’t stand her for longer than half an hour before I storm out of the house and don’t go back to see her for months. That’s getting closer and closer to hate for me. Is it true hate is the flip side of love? I seethe when I think about her because she is a drunk. The last time, I went over the line and said, “I hate you!” I know it was a terrible thing to say. Please help me to learn how to start talking to her without blowing a gasket.

— Son of a Drunk, West Kildonan

Dear Son of a Drunk: Try to take a buffer-zone person with you every time you go to visit your mother, such as a sibling or cousin. Bring healthy food and leave it in the kitchen. That will make you feel better. Warn her ahead of time time you’re coming and go early in the day when she hasn’t had enough time to get really loaded. This is damage control. You might want to give up on her getting sober since you are not going to be able get her to do anything. You are always in a prickly state of disagreement and she feels your disdain.

Your best bet for peace is to start going to Al-Anon, the group for people with alcoholic family members. You will learn coping skills and meet people who have gone through the same experience, and can share some of their successes, and frustrations, with you. At least, you won’t feel so alone with this problem.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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