Lack of sex drive puts fiancé into friend category

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This article was published 07/05/2016 (3483 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My fiancé has no sex drive. I speak to him about it, but he doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal. He also never compliments me or notices me when I am putting myself out there for him. I love him so much, but this lack of attention is making it easy for me to flirt with other men for attention. What do I do?

— Fiancé Sex Problem, Winnipeg

Dear Fiancé Sex Problem: Here’s what you do as quickly as you can: give him back the ring, say goodbye and look for a real husband. This guy is a friend. A real husband is a man who feels deep love and friendship combined with a huge attraction for you, and the sex drive to go with it. The big question is why you have hung around so long. If you stay with him, he will shame you for being “oversexed” or say you’re physically unattractive in some way to get you to feel ugly and back off. And you will end up leaving, possibly after you have an affair. You already feel a lack of self-esteem in this relationship and are flirting with other men.

The truth is this guy is just not sexual enough for you, or perhaps for any woman. He may even be asexual (meaning he couldn’t care less if he never had sex). It’s not your fault, and there’s nothing you can do about it, or need to do about it. You just have to get out of this relationship now before your self-esteem becomes so low you actually marry this guy and try to put up with the sexual neglect. That would be a big mistake! You don’t marry your best friend unless he’s also your ardent lover.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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