Invisible illness hinders ability to work, pay bills

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This article was published 15/09/2016 (3655 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a 41-year-old single mother of a 15-year-old daughter. I have a chronic illness — fibromyalgia — and suffer daily. It has forced me from my last two jobs. I’ve burned through all my savings and have been on Employment Insurance, and now social assistance, for five months.

I lived with my parents until I moved out at 25. I was pregnant. My partner and I lived together for less than three years until I left the horrible relationship. My parents offered to help me with my own place, or I could move in with them for a year or so, and save money. It turned into more than 10 years because of my health and financial situation.

Last year my parents helped me find my own place. I had a stable job for two years, but had some attendance problems due to my illness. As soon as the mortgage papers were signed, I was fired. I fought and got a settlement, but haven’t worked since. I can’t take just anything. My family and my daughter don’t understand. I suffer daily, but they don’t care. My daughter is being selfish and my parents are being judgmental, as always.

My parents provided a well-financed life for me growing up. My father had a well-paying job and I always had what I needed, but life has changed. I am really struggling financially. There are times where I have four dollars for three days. I worry about money non-stop, and if I pay for food and gas, I can’t afford my bills.

Anyway, my daughter has a job, not always consistent, but she gets paid quite often and she babysits as well. I have been borrowing money from my daughter, although she’s being really stubborn with it. She wants to buy new clothes, even though my mother just bought her a ton of new things for school. Meanwhile, I am praying Hydro doesn’t shut off the power. Her grandma and dad take her out for dinners and buy her stuff. I would never deny her anything like that, but when she gets paid and I really need money, is it so awful that I would like to borrow half to keep the power on?

— Mom Strapped for Money, Winnipeg

Dear Strapped: It’s time for a serious family talk. From your parents’ point of view, it took them 10 years to get you out of the house when you came back with your baby in your late 20s. They’re avoiding the talk, so if necessary, write them a letter. Your mortgage and house expenses don’t make sense anymore and you need to sell your place. You are a three-generational family, and you and your daughter need help immediately.

It’s not fair to ask your daughter more than once to carry things like half of utility expenses. Your folks need to know you can’t afford food and heat anymore. Winter is coming! For emergency food you could visit Winnipeg Harvest, but that’s just a start on what you two need. Could you get along on social assistance or disability in a new, smaller rental place on your own, and not be forced to work when you hurt so much every day? Could your daughter live with her dad or her grandparents while she finishes high school? Readers, please write in if you have helpful ideas for this very difficult situation and I’ll pass on the information.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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