Fantasies about your sister-in-law are wrong

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/09/2016 (3314 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in love with my wife’s sister. Our extended family just spent the summer at the lake. I got the experience of discovering my sister-in-law is like my wife, but on steroids!

My wife is low-key, generous and kind. Her sister is that, plus exciting, sexy and has a bawdy sense of humour.

I was so drawn to her all summer. I loved sitting beside her when we played cards and across from her at the table so I could see her dancing eyes.

I don’t think she noticed what a crush I developed. I was able to work a lot at the cottage, so only went home in the middle of the week for a couple of days. On the way home, I would think about her. In the city, I would miss her. Back at the cottage I was relieved to see her again.

My wife was the recipient of all that enthusiasm and lust, so she didn’t suffer. Now, we are back in the city and our lives go on as before. Only mine doesn’t. I feel like I’m with the wrong version of my true love. What should I do? Help!

— Pining for My Sister-in-Law, Winnipeg

Dear Pining for My Sister-in-Law: Enjoy your low-key wife and forget about something “better” with your sister-in-law. If you had a real affair, that could seriously mess up a lot of peoples’ lives: your wife’s, your kids’, your sister-in-law’s husband and family, cousins, grandparents, etc. The repercussions of that bomb going off are horrifying.

You might want to change yourself within your own marriage to initiate more fun and more romance, and your partner might enjoy following along. Did she like the new you at the lake? Had you gotten boring for your wife in your marriage? Talk to a psychologist or relationship counsellor about your feelings for your sister-in-law.

Don’t even share them with your best pal.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m miserable in my teaching job. I get so anxious I regularly throw up on the first day of school. I am good at my job, but I hate it. I just want to run away from the rigidity of my school, the heavy teaching load, all the marking and the bad kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the good kids and even the medium kids, but the few who are gunning for me in each class with big loads of anger is what makes me feel sick on the way to school in the morning. What should I do?

— Stressed Out Teacher, Winnipeg

Dear Stressed Out Teacher: Make this the year you approach the difficult kids in the first weeks of school with some trumped-up reason about helping you with something in the class — or after class — and really get to know them.

You may not love them, but at least you will know where they are coming from when they act out.

When I was a teacher in my 20s, I had a kid in my classroom who often at breakfast time (if there was any) used to get hit on the head with a kitchen tool, or even a frying pan, by his violent mother.

I only found this out when we were most of the way through the year.

Of course, he was in a terrible state when he got beaten before school. No wonder he would cause so much trouble! If only I had known what his life was like outside the class way before then, I could have gotten help for the situation sooner.

Teaching isn’t for everyone. If you really want to get out, make this the year to plan for an exit at the end of June. Will you go back to university or Red River College for a different career? Would you want to work in a non-classroom job in education?

Take a career test and start studying up on different careers and the kinds of people who are successful in them. Making those first few steps will give you a rush of energy and excitement and lift you from the depression coming from feeling powerless, scared and unhappy.

Good luck and let me know how it goes, please.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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