Grocery store chat puts her in a pickle

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/09/2016 (3648 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I caused some trouble when I went for a visit to my hometown and ran into my old boyfriend. He didn’t appear to have a wife or a wedding ring so I got into a big conversation with him at the grocery store. Just fun teasing, nothing bad. A few laughs and memories over in the vegetable aisle. It was harmless, you would think.

Someone must have been taking notes because the text of that conversation got all over town within two hours. I got a call at my mother’s house where I was visiting and this woman — who turned out to be his wife — told me to stay the hell away from her husband or else. I said, “You’re welcome to him. He was the worst lover I ever experienced and nothing can fix that.” She called me some dirty names and then I asked if he still did a certain thing, and gave her an example. She hung up fast! I left the next day and I refuse to take calls from my mom, who’s stuck back there and mad at me. Was I bad to do that?

— Troublemaker? Winnipeg

Dear Troublemaker: It’s interesting you forgot about the Grocery Store Grapevine. Or did you? Didn’t you actually enjoy flirting with that guy and giving him something to think about all the way home? As for his wife, he should have mentioned her in the first few flirty sentences and kept that conversation from going off into the bush. You knew what you were doing and you enjoyed turning him on, but now there are consequences — mostly for your mom. It’s unlikely his wife will repeat what you said, as it makes her husband out to be a terrible lover. The next time you’re home, get out of the grocery store if you see her coming and stay clear of other old boyfriends if there’s no privacy. Your mom’s endured enough backlash from this last visit.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am writing in response to Mom Strapped for Money, who wrote about being a single mother with the chronic illness fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 1992 after two frustrating years of medical tests and repeated consultations with a wonderful doctor who had the guts to say, “I do not know what you have, who to refer you to or which branch of medicine to refer you to.” I, too, was a single parent and struggled every day. My children thought I was lazy because I came home and crashed on the couch for a while after work. Eventually, I learned to plan and divided my days in thirds, and if I did something during one of those sections, I rested for the rest of it. Eventually, on my good days, I could do two things. I continue to plan every day. I learned to prioritize, and learned it’s OK to ask for help. When others ask me about fibromyalgia, I ask them to remember the last time you had a bad flu, the kind where every inch of your body hurts and you don’t know what to do to get relief. That’s fibromyalgia, every day. One day, my now-adult son called me and said he had the flu and now understood how I felt.

There is a fibromyalgia support group in Winnipeg that your writer can access — perhaps someone can help her with tips that are fit for her. Even if she just talks to someone and recognizes that she’s not alone, not lazy and not bad, that could help. As recently as a few weeks ago, I had a discussion with a new-to-me general practitioner who insisted fibromyalgia is just psychological: a phrase doctors use when they don’t know what’s wrong. Many people’s attitudes are demeaning.

I’m afraid to tell your young reader that fibromyalgia does not go away. You can learn to manage it and your life, and I’m thankful that, despite the pain, it will not kill me like other conditions will.

— Fibromyalgia Sufferer, Winnipeg

Dear Sufferer: Thanks for writing in with that information. The local fibromyalgia support group can be found online at fmswinnipeg.com, or by calling 204-975-3037. The city’s Leisure Guide offers several specialty aquasize swim classes for people dealing with arthritis and fibromyalgia in the active living section. Could you, and any other fibromyalgia sufferers in the province, write in with particulars about the support groups you have attended and what you thought of them?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography