Sexual attraction to cousin embarrassing and strange

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This article was published 28/10/2016 (3642 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with my first cousin and it’s embarrassing to me. He loves me, too. He got over feeling creepy about it long ago, but I still feel like I shouldn’t be marrying and having babies with my cousin. He doesn’t worry, though. “Get over it, I’m not your brother,” he says and laughs at me and then I kind of get over it. But the weird feeling creeps back.

My parents got past it quickly because they come from a culture where cousins often marry. I don’t embrace that religious culture anymore. This handsome man and I met at a family reunion last year and that’s how we got to know each other and felt attracted. Then he moved here for a job and to chase me. What should I do? — Feeling Strange About It, Southern Manitoba

Dear Feeling Strange About It: In Manitoba there is no law against marrying first cousins. There was a lot more fuss about this in the U.S. after the 1850s and many states prohibited it, and still do, supposedly out of health-and-safety concerns.

What is the biggest problem for you in this situation? Is it an incestuous feeling or are you worrying about possible birth defects, or maybe both?

If you feel it’s weird and that’s always going to be a problem for you, don’t continue. It’s a long life to be feeling that way. But, if it’s a physical worry, you should know the risk of physical problems turns out to be very small for children of parents who are first cousins and there’s virtually the same risk for babies from a marriage of second cousins as there is for totally unrelated people.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I slapped this woman who accused me of cheating at cards. We had two tables of four as usual and we were playing for some good money. I won $100 fair and square. I grabbed my money and left and she was calling me names.

The next day, that skinny (witch) who said I cheated came by my house, barged right in my door and demanded the $100 which she said should have been hers. I pushed her back out my door, called her some names she deserved and locked it. I should have called the cops.

I actually like the other women in this club, but I am not giving in to this one. Should I try to get her butt kicked out of the club or should I join a different one? I am a great player. All of us know of other clubs in the area because sometimes we have tournaments. — Don’t Need Anybody, West End

Dear Don’t Need Anybody: Any way you look at it, there isn’t room for both of you in this club, so find out which way the wind blows. Call up a few of the other players and find if they are with you or against you. If they are with her (because you get mad and smack people) then you better move on. If sympathies are with you (because she accuses people of cheating), then she may shuffle off of her own accord. You can bet everyone talked when you left last time. And here’s a tip: stop using your fists or you could get charged with assault.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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