Wife could be doing extracurricular activities

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This article was published 02/11/2016 (3606 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife doesn’t love me anymore. I guess if I was dying she might say she did, but then she wouldn’t have to live up to it. She doesn’t say she loves me, although I say it every night before we go to sleep. Silence from her! She doesn’t act tender and loving, doesn’t stroke my face and look into my eyes like she used to, doesn’t want to make love except a quickie Saturday nights. Last night, she took a shower immediately after. In previous years, she was warm and couldn’t get enough. I staggered to work not having enough sleep half the time.

I know what you’re thinking — there’s somebody else. If I find out, this whole house of cards will come tumbling down — we have a house, cabin, two cars and kids. She’s been a stay-at-home mom, but for the last year, both kids have had part-time jobs. My wife was obviously bored, so I suggested she go back to university. It is only a couple of months into the school year and her mind and heart are somewhere else.

I didn’t get wealthy by being stupid, but I’m terrified to know the truth. What should I do — have her followed?

— Discarded Husband? South End

Dear Discarded Husband: Catch her eye and then take her shoulders gently, and ask her: “Have you met someone else?” Don’t say “another man” because that gives her an out if it’s a woman, and it could be. If she doesn’t answer, ask if it’s a professor or another student. If she tells you she’s not seeing anyone it doesn’t necessarily mean she isn’t enamoured of someone else. Talk to her about the changes you have noticed and ask why they’ve come about since school started.

There is a story here. Trying to ignore it will just drive you crazy. Tell her you can feel your marriage is in trouble and ask her to go to relationship counselling with you. If she won’t do that, go by yourself. That will at least get your wife’s curiosity up and she will probably agree to go for a session after you’ve been there a few times talking about her. If you are going to have her followed, use that as a last resort, and don’t do it yourself.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am sadly in love with my husband’s older brother. My husband is beautiful to look at, but he doesn’t have half the heart and soul and intelligence his brother has. This brother just recently moved back to Manitoba. I quickly came to realize my immature husband is the half-baked version of my brother-in-law. That brother is so much deeper, smarter and artsier than my husband. And no, my husband is not ever going to become what his brother is — he hasn’t got the brains or depth.

I don’t dare say anything to anybody, especially since my husband idolizes his older brother. I don’t have any kids yet and I also think the older brother is looking back at me. Please help.

— Married the Wrong Brother, Rural Manitoba

Dear Married the Wrong Brother: There’s nothing like buyer’s remorse in a family of several attractive men of the same ilk. You can’t go back to the romance store and upgrade to an older brother or you will tear this family apart and break your husband’s spirit. Tearing two brothers apart with hatred and jealousy is nastier than breaking up a young marriage. If your husband is the wrong man for you, then you need to make tracks down the road rather than staying and causing a terrible situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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