Back-seat boogie makes girlfriend feel cheap

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/11/2016 (3264 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I are both 18. I have a car and now that it’s cold outside, we have nowhere else private. She lives in an apartment with her mom and I live at home with my three brothers, a sister and parents.

So we go out in the car to get satisfied. I know that sounds like a dumb word. She says making out in the back seat makes her feel cheap and nervous in case the cops show up. What else can we do? We can’t afford a motel and she would think that was even sleazier. She is a princess, but I love her.

— A Bit Frustrated, St. Vital

Dear A Bit Frustrated: Cars have been mobile bedrooms forever. Until one or both of you have your own place, you’re kind of stuck unless one of my readers can come up with an alternative other than abstinence, which isn’t logical at this point in the relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a secret, or so I thought. I like it when my wife gets mad. It turns me on when her eyes flash and she shoots me with the zingers. We have a know-it-all 22-year-old son, who recently moved back home after a breakup. The other day, I was purposely annoying my wife in the kitchen and things were heating up nicely, when my son walked in and said: “Could you guys take that foreplay into the bedroom?” My mouth dropped open. He knew what he was talking about.

My wife looked at me and gave me a smart-aleck smile, turned off the stove, walked over and took me by the hand, smiled at him and said “Great idea!” and took me into our bedroom. I wish you could have seen the look on my son’s face. We heard him get in the car and take off. He didn’t come back for three hours. 

We decided that day he needs to move out and give us our privacy back. My wife has volunteered to tell him herself because she knows it would kill me with embarrassment to say we want our private playhouse back. Does that make me a weakling?

— Awkward Dad, Fort Garry

Dear Awkward Dad: There are relationships between certain parents and certain kids where they can say just about anything to each other without embarrassment. It’s usually the mothers who have those relationships with their kids of both sexes because they’ve had to deal with touchy and emotional situations with the children since birth. Just be glad one of you can speak frankly with this guy to get him back out of the house and into his own adult life again without causing any real damage between the three of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Six years ago I had an online affair. I was lucky this (also) married woman dumped me because I was “boring” — I was afraid my wife was getting suspicious. Last week, the woman I had the affair with wrote and said she had broken up with her latest sucker. I’m the natural backup guy in her head. She’s barking crazy.

Her thing is she likes to write sex poems. I got one on Facebook today and it almost blew me off my chair. It was all about a guy with very red hair and she made explicit mention to the fire on my head and elsewhere, as she used to do. She has a different name on Facebook now and her picture is of a flower, but I know it’s her. Should I tell her to leave me alone?

— Red-headed Guy, Manitoba

Dear Red-headed Guy: Why are you asking if you should respond to her, even with a note saying leave me alone? Responding in any way at all invites her attention again. I suspect you want to get a look at those new erotic poems she writes for you. You just can’t afford to indulge that curiosity, so don’t tell her anything unless you want her back. Continue to be dull, dull, dull and block every fake new name she uses.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6