Ring sent in the mail an engagement fail

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This article was published 21/01/2017 (3536 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m about to devastate somebody and don’t now how to lessen the blow. I have been living in Winnipeg and going to university for several months. I was lonely and started seeing a really intelligent, good-looking male friend from one of my classes. I actually thought he was too smart and good-looking to want me, and only allowed myself to think of him as a friend; besides I had a boyfriend back home.

At Christmas, my boyfriend sent me an engagement ring in the mail with no hearts and flowers, and no “I love you, forever. Will you marry me?” He just takes me for granted and always has. But I was bowled over by the ring because it was so big and sparkly. For some reason, I left it in its paper wrapping under my bed. My boyfriend back home talked as if we were engaged from then on.

I kept on spending all my time with the guy from my class in Winnipeg. Then one night when we were studying in the library, he came over and kissed the back of my neck and all my feelings I had been pushing down came rushing into my body and my heart. I stood up, turned around and we kissed passionately until we heard people nearby applauding and laughing.

We have spent every waking moment with each other since. I know now why that engagement ring was still under the bed. The new guy and I are sleeping together now. He says he has known he was in love with me for months. He wants me to be with him forever and have kids, the whole ball of wax. He insists I have to send the ring back now. Do you think it’s rude to send the ring back with a letter, or should I phone him or send an email? I can’t afford to fly home (across the country) and I really don’t want to deal with the mess at the other end. What do you think?

— Un-Engagement Hell, U of Manitoba

Dear Un-Engagement Hell: Since he sent the ring to you without any kind of verbal or written proposal, it is OK for you not to return it in person. Talk to him over the phone and tell him it isn’t going to happen. Explain that your feelings about him aren’t right for a marriage and tell him truthfully you realized that plainly when you found another guy in Manitoba where the feelings are stronger. If you don’t tell him about the new guy, he might jump on a plane and come up here to plead with you. Be warned, he may do that anyway, but it’s far less likely.

Promise you’ll send the ring back ASAP with all the postal protection and insurance necessary.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At the bar last weekend, this woman came in who is my enemy. She knew she was on my turf and gave me a look out of the corner of her eye that was rude and despicable. I am a stronger woman than she is by a lot. I let her walk around and talk to people I know and go to the bathroom unbothered, the first time.

The second time I got in there right after her, slammed her against the wall, slapped her face a few times and told her to stay out of my bar if she wants to keep her teeth. I grabbed her by the back of the collar, ran her out of the bathroom and threw her out the back door on the ground.

At some point, she phoned the bar and screamed at the owner and bartender. I went in there last night and the bartender said I would be barred for life if I ever went after another patron in their bar. What? That’s my bar.

— Mad as Hell, Downtown

Dear Mad as Hell: It’s only your bar if you own it, and it seems you don’t. That means you have to settle your fights outside the bar and off its property. You got off easy this time, so consider yourself lucky and be glad you can still go there. You could have been barred for life and charged with assault.

A bar is not your gang clubhouse, even if it’s only a gang of one — you. It is a place of business owned by a person or a group who serve thousands of customers in a year, and you are just one of them. No matter how often you patronize the place, your bar tab isn’t big enough to justify the type of bad scenes you’re willing to cause.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I bought a beautiful new car and my boyfriend wanted to drive it. I don’t want anyone to drive it but me. When we went out to the car yesterday, he came to the driver’s side with me and asked for the keys because he wanted to drive it. I said, “It’s my car and nobody drives it but me. I don’t want one scratch on it!” Then he shrugged and walked away and drove off in his truck. What’s his problem? I never ask to drive his vehicles, and would never try to push my way into the driver’s seat.

— Not Sharing New Car, West End

Dear Not Sharing: This does not sound like a loving, trusting relationship where both of you can’t wait to share the best things you have with each other. You won’t have to worry about that much longer by the sounds of things. A shrug of indifference indicates less love feelings than a fight.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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