Embarrass wife with bed in the living room

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This article was published 23/01/2017 (3235 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I deserve better than what I’m getting. My grandpa would have called it “three hots and a cot” — my wife makes me three meals a day and I get to sleep on the sofa. I’m getting punished for straying, not that she has never done it. We have had a long marriage (27 years) and we love each other, but there have been pregnant times, boring times and times we were mad at each other, like when I was gambling too much. Both of us are good-looking, and it is not hard to find a partner.

So anyhow, I got caught and I don’t know how long I’ll be on the sofa. It has been three long weeks now. Worse than missing sex and cuddling, I have a crook in my neck because I’m tall and the couch is not.

The unwritten rule is nobody stays somewhere else when we fight over cheating, or we actually will break up. I have done all kinds of sweet things for her lately and even wrote her a love letter, but the bedroom door is still locked. What do you suggest?

— Doing Hard Time on the Couch, Wolseley

Dear Doing Hard Time on the Couch: Does that mean if you stay with a friend or relative, you’re done? Since this is the pattern of your unusual marriage — semi-open with punishments — you must learn to play the game within the rules, but with imagination. There’s nothing stopping you from bringing in a comfy bed and setting it up in the living room. This will be embarrassing to your wife, and you may get back in the bedroom, then the new bed will head downstairs to the basement. Actually, that bed could be handy for your wife the next time she gets caught, herself. You might want to point that out, and then duck.

To me, this sounds like a game and a way you two bring drama and romance back to the relationship, but harsh punishment is not the way to do it because it can break off the desire-to-please feelings and then both of you lose. It’s time to have a heart-to-heart talk with each other about where this relationship is going. You might want to avoid the drain.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend used to be a DJ way back when and got in the habit of collecting names and numbers of people, both men and women. Business contacts, he called them.

I complained, and he transferred his efforts to making more Facebook friends. He has thousands now and claims they’re all platonic friends, but there’s a much larger number of women, I notice. I thought the numbers of friends he collects is more a point of pride than a flirting thing, but yesterday I found out he’s on (mobile app) Tinder to check out the babes’ photos and whether they like his photo back.

I confronted him as soon as he got home from work. He said, “Everybody does it and it doesn’t mean anything, honest.” When he uses the word “honest” I know there’s an issue with honesty. It’s the telltale lying word with him. So now what do I do? My best friend told me to go on Tinder and let him catch me, but I have told him and everyone else I will never join that site. What do you think?

— Faithful Woman, East Kildonan

Dear Faithful Woman: Don’t waste your own time chasing this player who acts like life is a people banquet and he can’t get enough tasty bits to nibble on. He was doing this in another form before Tinder came along. He’s not going to change — this is who and what he is. No doubt he felt safe when you turned your nose up at Tinder. Then he could safely play around.

There’s no point in you two being together. He’s hunting and denying it, and you’ve already heard the lying in his voice. What are you waiting for? Looking at people on Tinder may not start out as hunting, but what an ego boost — and curiosity — when someone you find attractive also swipes right to indicate they find you attractive as well!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was dancing a lot with a man at a legion and he was really nice, though about 10 years older. He asked me if I would like to go out for a Thai dinner one night and I said yes. Then he never called. Last night I saw him at the legion again and he asked me to dance and I said, “No thanks. You said you would call and you didn’t,” and he looked at me and shrugged as if to say, so what? Did I do the right thing? — Not Impressed, St. James

Dear Not Impressed: The right thing would have been to write him off after a few days. A good trick is to say, “What night are you calling? I do a lot of activities in the evenings, but Tuesday would be good.” If he says he will call you Tuesday and doesn’t, he isn’t interested enough so you can mark him down as a quick write-off. Don’t excuse him with “Maybe he forgot.” You don’t forget to call a person you’re looking forward to seeing outside a crowded dance floor.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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