Sleeping with brother’s pal causes case of anxiety

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/01/2017 (3531 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have been sitting on a secret for 15 years and I need to tell somebody. When I was 21, I did the wild thing with my older brother’s best friend. I went into the guest bedroom in the basement when he was visiting and sleeping in. I took off my bathrobe and climbed into bed with him naked, with a condom in my hand. I more or less took him, although he didn’t stop me.

He apologized over and over again after and I told him not to, since it was my idea. I told him not to tell anyone. It has bothered me ever since that I did that to him. What do you think I should do about it as an adult in my mid-30s? — Guilty As Sin, St. James

Dear Guilty As Sin: You might both feel better if you apologized to him in person with no one else listening, or it might make things worse. He may have buried that memory, he may have gotten used to it or he may enjoy it as a fantasy. You don’t know. But you should know this much for sure: it wouldn’t be wise to write an apology on paper, an email or to leave a phone message on his cell. You either screw up your courage and say it to him privately, or don’t say anything.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is about Life In Transit. Thank you for printing my letter in response to the girl afraid of her bus-stop area late at night (and having to walk down a back lane for the fastest way home). I am not a bus driver, as you assumed in your response to your answer, I was a late-night bus rider in Vancouver and it was common knowledge that requesting a special stop at night could be done. I called 311 to see if this was done in Winnipeg and they confirmed that it is.

I also once had a bad experience sitting in the back of a bus as I was hassled by five girls calling me “Princess” because I was dolled up for a night out. I never sat in the back after that. — Feel Good Educating Women, Winnipeg

Dear Feel Good: Thanks for your generous contribution to helping the female bus riders of the city. Personally, I wish more women took up running. When I was in my late teens and 20s and got home late from work, I could run like a deer, and I ran all the way home to my apartment, partly for exercise. I didn’t run out of fear, but because I could run fast and enjoyed doing it. Also, I knew that no bad men would bother trying to assault me because they couldn’t catch up. People looking to rob someone (or worse) always go after someone easier: someone casually strolling along, or, these days, someone with earbuds listening to music who can’t hear an approach.

I did have a guy say terrible freaky things to me at a bus stop once. I was terrified at first, but then I got an idea: I got in front of him a couple people ahead to get up the front steps of the bus. I said in a very loud voice for everyone on the stairs and the bus driver to hear, exactly the terrible threat the guy said to me and asked that he not be let on the bus. The bus driver stood up, and kept him off the bus. The point was not to whisper and cover up for the creepy guy, but to expose him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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