Room and board paid for in the bedroom

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This article was published 04/03/2017 (3176 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This may be a bit shocking, but I’m living with someone else’s husband in Winnipeg while he works here. His wife doesn’t know. She thinks I’m the landlady of a boarding house. I was lonely and OK with this hidden relationship until his wife said she was coming to town to visit and hoped she could stay at the boarding house. Ha, like never is that happening! She phoned the house (I have a landline) and I told her it was against the rules and she would have to stay in a hotel with him.

She argued that they were married and couldn’t afford a hotel after the flight. I said, “Then you can’t afford to come. You aren’t saving money at my expense, madame.” She slammed down the phone in my ear. Now he’s threatening to move out and I said that was fine with me. But it’s not fine, because the truth is I have fallen in love with him. He told me she phoned him on his cell and said I was rude and awful to her, and she broke down and cried. Then he got mad at me because, he said, “After all, she is my wife.” He said that, like I should accept I’m second place and behave that way. I am so mad and hurt. What should I do? — Not His Landlady, St. Boniface

Dear Not His Landlady: You and his wife actually have one thing in common: you’re in love with a sneak and sharing him. Welcome him to depart. He needs to find a new place to live now such as a hotel or a real boarding house. You need to have nothing more to do with him.

How did you get into this mess? Loneliness can lower a person’s standards, but there’s something else going on: the affair partner (in this case, you) may have felt superior to the spouse because the cheater went outside the marriage to find satisfaction. Did you ever think the cheater may just prefer anybody else who’s willing to open her arms to him rather than having no sex at all while he’s away? This guy may actually prefer his wife emotionally if she can be in the same town, but may not give much importance to vows of faithfulness when she’s not there.

Whatever you do, don’t beg him back after his wife goes home. You would feel sick about that situation. No doubt you’re confused by mixed emotions and need more help with this. Free counselling is offered at Klinic, 545 Broadway most days and early evenings of the week. Although it’s a walk-in clinic, call 204-784-4067 and make sure you arrive well before closing, so a counsellor has time enough to talk to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell madly in love with this beautiful 28-year-old woman who comes from a wealthy, educated family. Before Christmas I told her I loved her and she said it back to me. She took me to meet her family, and I thought it went great. I am from a farm family and the first one to go to university. I was very proud of that and so is my family. I told her family about it and her dad seemed impressed. Apparently, that was a mistake. My girlfriend grew a bit distant. Then she asked to see my home in the country.

I took her home the weekend before Valentine’s and we broke up after that. My family couldn’t have been nicer to her. Do you think she really loved me at all, or did I never really have enough class and my uneducated family and the farm were final proof I wasn’t worthy of her? — Broken-Hearted and Angry, University of Winnipeg

Dear Broken-Hearted and Angry: Who knows what her “love” depends on? Part of it could be money, status, fancy housing and lifestyle, though she may have been very attracted to you personally, at first. You’re lucky she showed her true colours now. You will still have time to recover, study and write the best exams possible. Don’t let her drag you down with anger and depression. Pour your energy into studying over the next two months, and it will pay dividends all your life.

Here’s some comfort: she was not the one and proved it. Actually, it’s a fallacy that there is only one true love out there for anyone, although there might be a certain right type. In fact, the type of woman who doesn’t care about social status, enjoys both the country and the city, and who is proud of what you’re accomplishing would be a far better match.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister and I are close. I am a guy, two years older. We live with our mother and don’t see our dad for reasons I won’t go into. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m interested in a girl, my sister digs up dirt about her and is very critical. It’s like she doesn’t want me to date anyone. We were good buddies until this problem came along over the last year or so. I wouldn’t do this to her. Why does she try to wreck things for me? — Victim of Sabotage, Winnipeg

Dear Victim of Sabotage: You’re the only male figure in the house and although you’re only two years older, your sister looks up to you. If you fall for a girl, your attentions will turn and your sister fears the object of your affection may take over as your best friend and confidante.

Your sister is clearly jealous and trying to run interference rather than losing you as her closest friend. Instead of fighting over this, assure her you’ll always be close friends all your lives and a girlfriend can’t take her place in that way. But to make sure of that bond, tell her she will have to learn to be polite and nice to your girlfriends as you will act toward her boyfriends when the time comes.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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