Dad having hard time liking his teenage children

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This article was published 10/03/2017 (3167 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: There are people in this world who need a wallop. My 15-year-old daughter swears at me and calls me names. My 16-year-old son takes the car without asking. He steals it! In my parents’ day, they would have smacked us, no matter what our ages. I know violence is not in vogue, but these teenagers are terrible.

The sad thing is I love my kids, but I don’t like them anymore. I’d like to just skip seeing them until they’re 20. It’s a sad thing when you don’t like the kids you once enjoyed so much.

— Frustrated Dad, South Winnipeg

Dear Frustrated Dad: Punching or slapping kids teaches them worse behaviours than the swearing, but there are still things you can do. A teenager can’t take keys that are no longer available anywhere except in his parents’ pockets. Kids don’t deserve cars just because they’re old enough to have a licence. Your son will have to take the bus again.

And teens who swear in your face? If they don’t have part-time jobs and count on some kind of allowance for spending money, reduce it by so much per swear word.

If they have jobs and spending money and they’re making your life at home miserable, suggest they start saving that money to move out after graduation. It’s tough love to a degree, but grown-up kids shouldn’t be welcome to stay at home after high school and treat their parents with disrespect. Even the thought they could soon be out on their own will show them they are not the bosses of the home they have taken for granted.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is a beautiful person on the inside, but she’s gotten quite chunky over 10 years. Not that I’m any better. I have a big pot belly. Our young son is learning to draw and his drawings show exactly what he sees.

A few weeks ago he drew a picture of us dancing, from the side view. It shows our big bellies meeting in the middle, with stick arms too short to meet. My wife tried to hide her tears, but failed. My son asked why his mom was crying. How could we explain?

Basically, my wife has stopped eating anything but lettuce. She has lost 10 pounds in two weeks and says she has another 50 to go. I’m not joining her in this foolishness. The other day dinner was a giant salad with a few pitiful shrimps. I asked what else there was and she said that was all. She said the picture showed that we have become gross and fat.

I wanted more than that, so went outside in -18 C weather and turned on the barbecue. Food has become a huge issue between us now and we are not happy in this house. Please help.

— Not Willing to Starve, West End

Dear Not Willing to Starve: If you want to stay healthy to bring up that little boy of yours, both of you need to get healthy and stay that way. This doesn’t have to be a war, and you don’t have to be skinny, but you both have to weigh something reasonable for your hearts to manage. There are two things you can do: 1) Stop being angry over your wife’s dieting. 2) Start cooking non-fattening food on the barbecue such as salmon and veggies, so she can join in eating with you and feel your support. It’s your choice what else you cook.

If you keep overeating you can join a gym for aerobics and weightlifting, thus burning off the extra calories and building muscle. Or, you could start walking at noon or after dinner. Your wife may want to join you exercising, or she may not. She’s taking in fewer calories already and losing weight now. Why not end this fight and do what’s best for your son, who innocently held up a mirror?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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