Lonely mom won’t stop flirting with son’s friends

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This article was published 19/03/2017 (3504 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother flirts with my buddies when we go to our house. They are in their mid-20s and have girlfriends of their own. My mom makes remarks that cue them to say “No, you’re actually very young-looking!” Most of them try to ignore it.

I caught her primping when my friends were coming over to watch a hockey game in the basement a few weeks ago. My parents are divorced and I live in my mom’s house. She doesn’t charge me rent. I have a decent job, but I don’t have enough money to move out and have a nice place of my own. How should I talk to her about the way she acts? — Embarrassed By Her Flirting, River Heights

Dear Embarrassed By Her Flirting: Talk to your mom, but not about the flirting; instead, wait two or three months, while you save up and find a place to live with a few roommates. Say: “Mom, you need privacy to have your own social life, and I’m clearly in the way. I realize it’s long past the time I moved out, so I’ve found a place I’ll be sharing with friends.

Then you might add you are sorry you stayed so long without paying rent or any bills and offer to save up money and buy her a place ticket next winter so she can go on a holiday with her friends. That’s called being a classy grown-up son, and subtly helping to kick-start your mom’s social life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My friends on my hockey team and I sometimes play-wrestle for laughs when we meet before a game, and it’s rough. I don’t really like it anymore, but I don’t want to look like a baby. We started this when we were in junior high, and I really want to stop now. Should I invent some kind of injury? It seems like a waste of time and energy, and as we get bigger and stronger, it really hurts sometimes. The last time we did this, I got pushed and cracked my knee hard on the ice. I limped for a few days. My parents were upset. What is your opinion? Should I use my knee as a way out out of this wrestling crap? — To Lie or Not? Small Town, Manitoba

Dear Lie or Not: Before this play-wrestling thing happens again, tell a few of the key players in your group what happened to your knee and that your parents say your knee needs to be saved for hockey, and you agree. Don’t tell them they need to quit, just that you won’t be taking part anymore. If someone forgets, just say “Hey, stop! Watch my knee!” This handy warning will be good practice for when you’re older and trying to get out of dancing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m feeling under the weather a lot of the time and my best friend has accused me of being depressed. I admit, I wake up and feel more tired than when I went to bed. I look out the window and just want to plow back under the covers, but I usually drag my butt out of bed and go to work. About noon when it’s really bright, that’s when I feel best. By 4:30 p.m, my body feels limp and tired and I go home, and often go to bed right after I eat. I used to be so full of energy. Could I actually be depressed, or do I need to go to my normal doctor? — Sick or Depressed? Transcona

Dear Sick or Depressed: Your body is giving you clues things aren’t right, so listen to it. Go to your physician ASAP and describe how you feel over a 24-hour period, and how this is different from your previous energy levels. You will probably be sent for some tests to see what’s going on inside your body. Also, tell the doctor what your friend said to you about the depression she’s noticed. Talk about your wanting to get back under the covers every day. Mention how you feel about the light at the brightest part of the day, too. Doctors need all the clues you can give.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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