Sexy time now used to paint her toenails

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/04/2017 (3118 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife of two years just turned 25 and sits on the edge of the bed every night and fusses with her toenails — clipping, painting, applying patterns and waiting for them to dry. She can take up to 45 minutes on her feet, and by that time, the old guy (me, age 39) is asleep. Why doesn’t she do this when it doesn’t cut into our honeymoon time, as she used to call it? I don’t know why she would ever call it that again, as she makes every excuse for not making love with me anymore.

I feel really sad and unwanted most of the time. She gives me maintenance sex on Saturday nights, but she never has an orgasm. I know she’s faking it. I don’t know if I love her anymore; I haven’t been getting any warmth from her since she got drunk and made a slip-up. I forgave her for that, but she hasn’t forgotten it and is no longer willing to come into my arms at night.

Her slip-up, which she confessed through tears one night, was she necked with my younger brother in the bushes at a barbecue at the lake last fall. I forgave her because — and what I didn’t tell her — was I had done much the same thing with a female customer who came onto me in her office, only worse. Should I tell my wife now so she can stop feeling like the bad guy? Would it help if she got roaring mad at me, got over it and everything felt even-Steven again?

— Bright Idea or Not? Downtown

Dear Bright Idea or Not: Don’t bet on an even-Steven move. They’ve been known to backfire more often than fix things. Your sin, which you only hint at, seems like it could have been horizontal. Bad news. While it’s not fair to pretend you’re innocent, you would be foolish to go one worse to try to even things up.

Why do you really think she’s avoiding sex? Is this her way of being true to somebody else? Why did you two get married anyway? Neither one of you seems to have the faithful concept down. Both of you seem to think there’s a little wiggle room. Maybe you would both be better suited to an open marriage. Or maybe she’s had enough, is tired of sex with a forever husband, and simply wants to be young, free and 25 again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a bad relationship with my ex-sister-in-law whom I still work with. I met my ex-husband through her when she took me home one day many years ago. He and I split up over his greater love of gambling and we had a terrible divorce. If he didn’t gamble, we would still be together because it was a deep love, but he could never fully quit. He lies about gambling as easy as he smiles.

I hate seeing her at work because she is so nice to me and looks a lot like him, with dark curly hair and big blue eyes. It wouldn’t make sense for me to quit, nor would it for her.

How can I tell her to please leave me the hell alone and stop being so nice to me?

— Hurting Over and Over, Industrial Park, Winnipeg

Dear Hurting Over and Over: Could you work from a satellite office, or from home, and cut the stress? If there’s nowhere else to go, could you turn your desk around or get an office carrel to shield you? Surely you can think of a clever way to get yourself away from seeing her, and blame it on something such as light quality.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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