Everything about boyfriend annoying lately

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This article was published 15/05/2017 (3408 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Everything about my boyfriend is bugging me lately. I notice the lint on his sweater, the way he whistles his S’s, the bags under his eyes, the way he clumps his feet and the way he pays his bills obsessively on the very last day of the month. Then there’s the way he repeats the same lame jokes, such as, “Guess we’re not alone here tonight,” when he enters a crowded room, expecting a laugh. I could go on.

The kisses I found so exciting no longer do it for me. I find him clumsy with his hands now, and suddenly he’s shorter in the phallic department.

Am I so petty I have fallen out of love with him for these little reasons?

I was madly in love with him before Valentine’s Day. Then he didn’t give me an engagement ring, even though he had hinted he was going to at Christmas. In fact, he didn’t give me anything more than a card. I gave him an expensive watch with an inscription of love. I know Valentine’s is a small thing, but it hurt. Ever since then, I have looked at him with a jaundiced eye.

Am I really such a baby? Love can’t just melt away like this, can it?

— Critical, Mean Woman, 28, Winnipeg

Dear Critical, Mean Woman: Yes, romantic love can fade away and die. Love is a plant, not a rock. It needs sweet juice and nurturing. You’re 28, old enough to be married and feeling in love. You were expecting a proposal — or at least words of love and the promise of a future — in February, but all you got was a cheap card instead. Of course you were hurt and angry, and it only got worse.

Yet, you’ve kept sleeping with him, giving him your all, not to mention looking at that expensive watch with the inscription on his arm. Or, does he leave it on the dresser? It’s not surprising that you have developed a critical eye and found a lot wanting in him. It’s time to move on. This man is not the one for you, and the sooner you face it, the better. Love can be so much better than this. Go for the gusto!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A girlfriend I lusted over and dated in my youth has come back into my life through Facebook. Her spouse died and so did mine, and she thinks we should take up where we left off in our early 20s. I broke up with her back then because I found her way too pushy. She hasn’t changed a bit. She just announced she’s coming to Winnipeg to visit me May long weekend (when I like to go to my lake) and hinted she should stay at my house with me. I lied and said I had one of my kids back living with me. She said she would stay at a hotel, in case I wanted to visit.

I don’t want her in a hotel anywhere in this city and I don’t want to see her. When she was young, she was hot-looking, and now she just looks overly made-up, tough and she has a smoker’s voice and cough on the phone. How can I tell her to get lost?

— Intimidated By Old GF, Fort Richmond

Intimidated By Old GF: Be bluntly honest. Tell her you simply don’t want to reconnect with her, and she must cancel her airline ticket. If she still insists on coming, tell her you won’t even see her for a drink. If you think she’ll come and pound on your door, don’t answer, or better yet, tell her today to stay away, and then go out to your cabin at the lake as you always do that weekend and avoid the whole thing.

You don’t owe her anything except the truth. Anybody who’s that pushy deserves straight talk. If you don’t have the nerve for it, Facebook her and email her the same message.

Dear Readers: The letters below are for Trapped in the Bathroom — the guy who was home alone, and got stuck in the bathroom when he locked the door and it jammed. He didn’t have his phone and had to wait until his wife got home, and he started to panic. I’m not a handywoman, so I asked you in Reader Land for help. Here are some replies:

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Pass this on to Trapped. First, you should not lock yourself in the bathroom! But if you do and it jams, you can dismantle the hinges by popping out the pins in the hinges from inside the room. It can be done with any small-in-diameter object, but safer yet is to keep a small screwdriver in the room, and if you are really concerned it may happen again, keep a small hammer available, too.

Pop the pins out and carefully place one hand under the door on the hinge side and one hand on the inside door knob. Keep a firm grip on the door and carefully remove it. The door should be fairly easy to remove, and then you can make good your escape. And the good part: you do not damage the door.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: About that guy Trapped in the Bathroom. Why would he lock the door when he goes to the bathroom in his own house when there was no one else home? Is he paranoid or what?

— Scratching My Head, Weston

Dear Scratching My Head: It may have been force of habit to lock the door. Lots of people do that in bathrooms so nobody comes busting in. He no doubt expected to be able to unlock that door and exit, but sometimes bathroom doors, especially older ones, can be troublesome, as they experience years of moisture and heat compared to other rooms, and things can shift.

In that old chestnut of a book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig, there’s a term the author refers to as “stuckness.” That’s when something you’re not prepared for just won’t budge, on the bike, and in life. Same with this bathroom door. Dang stuckness!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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