Foe looking to settle score tooth for tooth

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This article was published 20/05/2017 (3095 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I knocked a girl’s tooth out in the washroom because she stole my phone and I slammed her head on the sink. I got my phone back! She said she isn’t pressing charges for the tooth because she stole my phone first, but on her way out, she warned me not to come back in the bar or she would have somebody take me outside. 

If I go there now, somebody has to act as lookout, so I can run for it if she shows up with her buddies. I hear she still doesn’t have a tooth. Do you think I should try to make a deal with her? I want to feel safe back in my own bar.

— Unhappy About Things, Downtown

Dear Unhappy About Things: It’s going to be hard to look her in the face where she still has a tooth missing and try to negotiate a deal unless you’re offering dental money (a new tooth costs a lot). You did get your phone back and your teeth are not missing, so it would be better to let this go. Scout around for a new and safer bar, and start inviting friends to meet you there, even picking them up to make sure they go. Once people get used to going to a new place — especially one that’s still fun, but safer — there’s a possibility they’ll make it a new hangout with you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have an old female German shepherd who is very protective and is my self-appointed guard dog. She has saved me from some bad things, such as an intruder who tried to get into my house, and two violent boyfriends. She means everything to me. I have a new boyfriend who wants to be in my bed, but my dog doesn’t want him near me, or near the bed. She’s too old now to bite him but still has the instincts.

She came upstairs from sleeping and accidentally caught us making love a few weeks ago, and went nuts trying to crash through the French doors to my bedroom. She’s used to sleeping on my bed, and he’s only here when he’s not out driving. (He’s a trucker and makes very good money.)

The last time he was here, he ordered me to get rid of the dog if I wanted him to keep coming around. I really had to think, but told him I wouldn’t get rid of my dog. He hasn’t called since and its been 15 days and 15 nights, but who’s counting? What do you suggest?

— Not Giving Her Up, Winnipeg

Dear Not Giving Her Up: Your taste has run to bad types in the past. Your dog may have better sense than you do about men and maybe you should trust her instincts that this guy is another dangerous dude. If you are still determined to have him, you could meet at his place. My guess is he doesn’t care that much about a real relationship with you — and that’s probably a good thing. If he’s not really committed, and it’s a long distance drive with pit stops and a few girlfriends in-between, that’s dangerous to your health.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is the sweetest person. We took her out for dinner for Mother’s Day, but she is losing her marbles and does goofy things. At the fancy place where we went for dinner, she had a thought about her false teeth, but it was the opposite thought to what she needed to do and took them out of her mouth and set them on the napkin beside her.

I said, “Mom don’t you need your teeth to eat?” and she said, “Oh yes, how silly of me.” She popped them back in her mouth, patted it daintily with her napkin and started to eat. My daughter, in her 30s, was embarrassed and said we shouldn’t take grandma out again to eat because she’s embarrassing herself. She didn’t look embarrassed to me. How should I handle this?

— Between the Generations, North End

Dear Between the Generations: Older people, no matter how many marbles they have, love to go out and be sociable. So tell your daughter she will have to develop a sense of humour about gran from now on in order for everyone to enjoy being together. Don’t let her disapproval of her grandmother’s little quirks spoil a dinner. Sit your daughter at the opposite end of the table from grandma and you sit close to your mom. Ask your daughter to see the humour in grandma’s funny little actions and remember that one day she’ll be an old lady herself and won’t want to be left out of the family parties.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My neighbour who sometimes uses her problems with English as an excuse to be rude, saw me out in the yard surveying my gardens today. She came over to the fence to talk. We were laughing about something when she looked at my middle and said, “Oh, you got very fat and jolly over the winter!” I felt insulted and upset. My husband was enjoying himself laughing, as he has always liked a cat fight.

I told her it was rude to call someone fat and jolly in English, and she said slyly that the word jolie was a nice word in her language. I replied, “But fat isn’t, and you darn well know it. What if I said to you (I imitated her accent), ‘Oh, your hair has gotten very grey and jolie, and you look 10 years older.’” She then turned on her heel and marched into the house, patting her hair.

My husband finally stopped laughing and said I owe her an apology because I was intentionally rude. And she wasn’t? What do you think?

— Taught Her a Lesson, St. Boniface

Dear Taught Her a Lesson: Your lesson got through. Now you owe this neighbour a peace offering, but not another verbal go-round. Buy her a pretty garden plant and write, “Sorry we had a fight! This is for your garden.” That way you can let this rude exchange pass without both of you digging yourselves in deeper.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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