Parents’ open marriage comes as a shock

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/05/2017 (3098 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought my mother and father were very happily married. Then I overheard a conversation between them where they talked openly about their “arrangements.” Apparently, they have an open marriage where they discreetly see other people. Each one seems to have just one other partner.

My mind is blown! I thought my parents were good people. They are nothing but hippies who changed their clothes and cut their hair, but never grew up. How do I talk with them about this, or do I never say a word? I told my wife and she is just as shocked and has no idea what we should do.

— Mouth Open in Shock, Tuxedo

Dear Mouth Open in Shock: So what happens once you tell your parents you overheard their conversation, are aware of the open marriage and are freaking out? My guess is they’ll try to explain the advantages of it for staying together as an intact family, or they’ll tell you to butt out, that everybody is an adult now and you should be grateful you had a stable two-parent upbringing.

If you don’t say something, you will always wonder if you should have and gotten some answers. So go for it and ask the least excitable of your two parents first.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m going camping on the May long weekend with some friends — girls and guys. My mom doesn’t want me to go because she knows who they are. They like to drink and smoke weed. It’s not a big deal, everybody does. I told her I don’t care what she says, I’m going anyway. She said if I do, then I would have to go live with my dad.

I called her bluff and phoned my dad. He said I could live there, and was hoping I would some day. The rules will be easier over there since my dad smokes a little weed at night and drinks beer with his buddies.

The only thing I’m afraid of is devastating my mother, who has looked after me since I was two when my dad left her for another woman. The other woman left my dad after a few years because she wanted babies. He told her he didn’t want any more kids.

I am a little unsure how I would live at my father’s, though. My dad was never good at sending support cheques and my mom mainly pays for everything. I have a part-time job at a fast-food place. Will my father expect me to pay for my own food, or eat there all the time? Would there be any regular food at home and would he spend any money on clothes for me? I’m 16. Would he have the nerve to ask my mother for child support?

— A Little Worried, Winnipeg

Dear A Little Worried: For the sake of one long weekend of drinking and smoking weed, you would be willing to devastate your mother and give up your regular food and clothes? That sounds like a bad deal. Your dad isn’t used to spending money on you and probably thinks it’s safe to have you come live there now that you can support yourself with your part-time job. That situation might end up requiring you quit school to work full time.

If you’re embarrassed about backing out of this camping trip, just tell the guys you got extra shifts and have to work. Want to move in with your dad sometime? Wait until you have an education and full-time work, and it won’t cost him a dime.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography