Stray red hair may not prove her hubby has had affair

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This article was published 02/07/2017 (3387 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran my fingers down my husband’s shirt when he got home from work last week, and a long red hair came off the front of it. Neither he nor I have red hair, but his assistant does. I let it go, though I was suspicious. Last night I spotted another two long red hairs on the beige jacket he had worn to work and on further inspection, a third one on his shirt and one on his pant leg. He’s guilty as sin.

But what if I’m wrong? I hate to jump the gun, as he left his last wife because she was insanely jealous of his administrative assistant, who sometimes accompanies him on business trips to do computer research and take notes at meetings. It never occurred to me his wife may have had a reason for being jealous or that he is a liar.

What should I do now? Hire someone to follow them? Show up at an out-of-town business destination to catch them sharing the same room? Ask him outright about the red hairs and show him the evidence? I realize they might hang their coats in the same closet and hair could rub off, but on his shirts, sweaters and pants? Please help. I don’t want to act pathetic like his ex-wife, but he looks guilty to me. — Suspicious Mind, Downtown

Dear Suspicious Mind: Don’t be so afraid of being called the same names as your husband’s ex that you played for a chump. Be thankful for the telltale hairs as a clue as to what may be going on. Perhaps he and his secretary remained sex buddies. You’ll note he didn’t marry her after he and his wife broke up, so they may not be in love, but may have remained physically chummy when it suits them, such as when the door’s closed in the office or when they’re out of town.

Start with the least obvious method of inquiry. Drop in unannounced just before noon to see if your husband can go for lunch with you and to see if they have a mutual closet or coat rack. Notice how his secretary reacts to you. Is she natural, overly friendly, skittish, nervous, doesn’t smile or does she make herself scarce? If your husband tells you not to drop in without phoning ahead, is that a guilty reaction? Don’t say yes or no, but drop in again a week later. Make yourself visible.

You could also have him followed. If you confront him with the hair evidence right away, he may go further underground. As for phoning his ex-wife, don’t do that. She is not your friend, even if you weren’t the one who broke them up — and it will go badly if you talk to her even if you break up with him, as she probably detests you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wanted to add to your response to Witnessing their Deaths. (That’s the woman watching her deceased friend’s garden die because the new people don’t care.)

While a beautiful garden is truly a work of art, it does take considerable time and attention to maintain. I think your suggestion to the writer was perfect: she should honour her friend by creating her own beautiful garden.

I wonder if she could even go a step further and try approaching the neighbour again, but this time, instead of taking an accusatory tone, offer to purchase them a few low-maintenance potted plants to decorate their stoop in exchange for allowing her to dig up and transplant some of those beautiful perennials into her own yard.

Perhaps the new neighbours next door have busy careers or a family to look after and don’t have the time or interest to make the garden a priority. — An Olive Branch for the Garden, Manitoba

Dear An Olive Branch for the Garden: These are not genteel people next door and the gift of stoop plants may be thought of as more criticism from this elderly lady next door, but perhaps offering these people money — say $30 to $50 cash — to dig up old plants in the backyard would be grudgingly accepted. She should be prepared to get in and out of that garden in minimum time and just dig up the unusual plants she can’t buy easily elsewhere. And she should bring a friend to help that day, as a kind of protection. The new house owners may want to oversee this and company might keep their mouths in check.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This note is regarding the advice you offered Worried Sick, the gentleman whose cat had just had kittens. You offered some excellent tips for securing good homes, but Worried Sick should make sure he has his own cat spayed ASAP and keep his cat indoors because they live longer and healthier lives. If his replacement child is grounded, she certainly can’t turn up pregnant. — Miss Kitty, Winnipeg

Dear Miss Kitty: Yes, cats live longer and have healthier lives indoors, but they are bored brainless and often left alone for many hours while owners go to work. Let’s face it, they’re in a comfy jail and will never get out. If I were an animal, I would rather be a cat who’s let outside for five years than one who’s trapped in a house for 15 years, pretty much sleeping and eating. That’s unless one’s owner is the attentive type who plays and teaches tricks and takes you outside on a leash to feel the grass, the sun and the breeze ruffling your fur.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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