Jazz fan blowing his mind, but things getting messy

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This article was published 03/07/2017 (3369 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a pretty woman at the Winnipeg Jazz Festival and we’ve been making music every which way since. We both play instruments and sing, and we’ve done that a lot at my place. There’s one sticky issue: I would like to get serious with her one day, but she’s a terrible slob. My place is spotless! This new girlfriend leaves stuff everywhere and doesn’t care. Her fridge and stove have never seen a wipe. I always have her stay over at my place, where she tiptoes around and says it makes her nervous because it’s so clean. Looking down the road, I see a dead end. What do you think?

— Just Like Felix, Tuxedo

Dear Just Like Felix: You only met this woman at the jazz fest, which ended a little over a week ago. Give this romance the time it’s due, and stop being such a fussbudget. Let it run like jazz — hot and happy and wild — until you annoy each other enough you’re both glad to go in different directions. Don’t short-circuit this romance after one or two weeks because you can’t imagine marrying this messy person. She might not even like you that much, given some time and your ultra-tidy habits.

But what if you do fall in love? That’s fine! There is a middle-ground solution for slobs and cleaning fanatics who fall in love. It’s a cleaning service — pay for one together and make it a priority in your budget. Then nobody’s mad, nobody’s blaming the other person and no one thinks they’re holier-than-thou because they’re cleaner-than-thou. That would be you, Bub.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am an artsy type (my husband’s snarky term) and have been hiding up at the cottage for weeks working on a big project. Now I’m back home in Winnipeg with him. I’m unhappily married, but have always been financially dependent on him. My work doesn’t bring in much money, but it’s my heart and soul.

I love our lifestyle — even if I don’t love him — and our beautiful home, cottage, cars and credit cards. The term “starving artist” scares me.

I know he was happy to have me out of town. He didn’t complain about my absence once. I think he has a separate life, probably with a girlfriend or two, and a call girl, who caters to his way-out fantasies. That was his lifestyle when I met him. I certainly don’t act like a bad girl. My husband married me to get some respect back from his family, who had gotten wind of his proclivities. They think he’s reformed through marriage to a good girl, although us spending this much time apart must seem odd to them. Maybe they don’t care about his behaviour anymore.

Will I always be in this rut, where I can’t do my art unless I stay with the man who pays the bills? If I get a regular job, I won’t have enough hours to do my art. We haven’t had a sex life for years, but I am a good cook when I’m home, and we have grown-up kids together who would be upset if we split up.

— Rock and a Hard Place, Winnipeg

Dear Rock and a Hard Place: What are you missing that an open marriage — or a quiet affair on your side like your husband has — wouldn’t provide? Would you be afraid of opening that door, in case he wants to just get divorced instead? Or does he still need a cover? Since he’s a wealthy man, you would get a decent settlement, even if he fights it. You might have to get a part-time job to make it last a long time, but you would still have enough time and energy to do your artistic work. It’s an idea worth exploring, but do talk to an accountant and a domestic lawyer before you open the change-of-marriage-style topic.

It doesn’t make sense to spend your whole life the way you are wasting it. If you get divorced and free yourself up completely, you might find a man you love and desire. You and your new man could put your money together, and even if it’s not as much as when you were living on your husband’s money, you will be much happier. Spending long stretches alone at the cabin escaping your husband is a cold way to live.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m falling for this woman who gardens the heck out of her small balcony that adjoins mine. We can see each other. I asked her if I could get her to help me with my balcony, and she came right over. We went to a nursery together. I spent a fortune getting to know her, but I thought it was worth every penny.

I finally asked her out, but bad news — she told me she’s a lesbian and has a lover who is out of town for the summer. I still want to be her friend, but my heart plummeted when she told me about her partner. I’m kind of a nerd and so is she, so I thought maybe she would like me. What now?

— Disappointed Nerd, Osborne Village

Dear Disappointed Nerd: Why not stay her friend? You like her, and the best way to meet a woman to love is to make platonic friends with as many woman as you can and give them permission to line you up with the women they know. Most lesbian woman also have straight friends from the different parts of their lives. Be open with your plant-loving neighbour about wanting to find love this summer and see if she and other female friends you know can help get a romance growing for you in the summer of 2017.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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