Offer to help beach babe with bikini top unappreciated

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This article was published 15/07/2017 (3360 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was at the beach in Gimli and this woman was having trouble with her bikini-top strap and I said, “Here let me help you” and she started shrieking. I quickly ran into the water and swam way down the beach to get back out. It sounded like she was going to call the police, security or whatever they have. I was just flirting with her, offering to be helpful and she had to go throw a big hissy fit and make me look like a pervert.

I don’t know where I went wrong. I was just being harmless and silly and she knew it. What is wrong with these women who lie almost naked on the beach with the backs of their bikini tops undone and their boobs in the sand and then make a big fuss if someone flirts a little in public as they’re walking by to the water. What was wrong with talking to her? — Harmless Guy, Gimli

Dear Harmless Guy: As rule of thumb, don’t flirt with a woman who is on the beach by herself. Just smile and enjoy the sights she’s providing and go straight into the water to cool off with a swim. If you go to the beach with your own girlfriend or a group of female pals, that’s the place to offer to help a woman with bikini straps. Then your female friends can swat you or tell you off, but nobody’s really mad. You might even get a cute reaction and a retort, instead of a freak-out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a cabin deep in Lake of the Woods to get away from people. I’m an extroverted introvert and I breathe a sigh of relief when I hit the city limits and leave my way-too-social work behind. I’m good at being social, but it’s not my preference. I hate small talk.

Last weekend, I was down by the lake on the dock and my new neighbour decided to invite himself over and bring his box of beer. I am a polite person, so I welcomed him on to the dock and we had a few beers together. But then, he wouldn’t leave. I finally told him I was busy with some work and had to say goodbye, and he said, “I’ll just sit here in the sun and drink a few more beer until you’re finished.”

I said, in frustration, “No, I’m afraid you’ll have to go home now because I need to be alone to work.” He muttered about what a lousy neighbour I was going to be as he climbed into his rickety old boat with the last of his beer.

Now I feel guilty and uneasy because I’ve made an enemy out of my new neighbour, which isn’t good, especially if either of us really needed help. It is dangerous to live alone in remote country. How do I fix this? — Mean Neighbour, Lake of the Woods

Dear Mean Neighbour: Buzz over there in your boat with a six pack and apologize for being so rude. Explain to him about how you come down here to get away from talking to so many people every week at work. Tell him what would work for you, namely dropping in for short visits to say hello to him. Tell him you’re always there for him if he needs a helping hand or gets sick. Tell him you’re basically a loner, but stuck in a job that requires too much visiting and that’s why you bought your remote place. Find out why he did that himself, as a point of interest, when he’s such a sociable guy.

Whenever you go to his place for a beer, leave the leftover beer for him. He’ll write you down as a bit weird, but a decent guy. You can bet he’ll start having friends down soon. You may need earplugs for their parties around the fire, but you’ll be left all alone at your place, which is what you want.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m falling for this woman physically, but the emotional part isn’t there. I crave her body and dream of her every night. I can’t get enough of her beautiful sexy lovemaking when I’m with her. Last night I told her I really loved her body, and she asked if I loved her. Awkward silence! I felt so bad, but I couldn’t say to her, “No, because you’re a little too dumb for me.” What should I do? — Lusty Guy, Brandon

Dear Lusty Guy: Move on. You’ve already hurt this shapely woman by not replying that you return feelings for her, so really, she’s just a delightful sex partner and that’s not going to cut it. That’s hurtful if she cares for you and is giving her all in bed. It’s time to look for another lady who appeals to you on different levels — just being crazy about somebody’s body finally ends in a painful split-up for the one who cares.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I took my puppy to my friend’s new house thinking it would be a treat for the kids, but he was too rambunctious and licked their faces and made them cry, and then peed on the new carpet out of sheer excitement. The wife told her husband (my buddy) the dog had ruined her carpet and I have to replace it. Ha! She’s dreaming and grossly exaggerating. What should I do? — Puppy Owner, Southdale

Dear Puppy Owner: Pay for a carpet cleaner to come out and fix the spot where your dog urinated and to give the rug a general clean. but that’s it. You don’t owe them an entire new carpet. If the wife wants to get ugly about it, she can see a lawyer, but probably won’t get anywhere, since you already will be able to say you had the problem fixed.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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